


Needing Somebody

by jocelynfray



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: F/M, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-05-10 18:03:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 34,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5595682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jocelynfray/pseuds/jocelynfray
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is literally the last thing either of them expected to happen at a Star Wars party. Aka, the friends with benefits au no one asked for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. don't leave

**Author's Note:**

> So I recently saw tfa and somehow ended up shipping Damerey (along with everything else sans any Kylo ship), so naturally an AU formed around these two dorks dressed up as them.

"Hey! Finn, right?" asked yet another white guy in a bad Kylo Ren costume.

"No." Luke snapped, no longer making an effort to hide the annoyance in his voice.

"Okay, jeez. No need to be touchy." Kylo Ren #198 muttered under his breath, rolling his eyes at Luke before walking away.

Luke loved that Star Wars now had a black man in the main trio. What he found slightly annoying was the assumption that every black guy would dress up as Finn (or Lando Calrissian, or Mace Windu) for Star Wars parties.

Besides, he was _obviously_ Poe Dameron. He'd customized the jacket himself, it was very obviously Poe's jacket! And he was wearing the yellow shirt under it, something that only Poe wore in the film. And as immature as it was, he was annoyed that so far not one person at this stupid party had recognized him as Poe.

He sighed and shook his head, making his way over to the snack table. He was so caught up in his own thoughts he wasn't watching where he was going, running smack dab into someone, knocking her backwards.

Instinctively, he grabbed her arms to prevent her from falling, accidentally overestimating his pull and yanking the poor woman flush against his chest. He winced at the misstep, immediately letting go of her and stepping back. _'Shit, now she probably thinks I was making a move'_ he thought, feeling his face grow hot in embarrassment.

"I'm so sorry I bumped into you, I wasn't paying enough attention to where I was going. Are you alright?" he asked, looking at her.

And goddamn. Now he _almost_ didn't mind that what he'd accidentally done could be misconstrued as a move. She was gorgeous, and going off her shoes having a minimal heel, taller than average (something he always appreciated). He wasn't sure if her hair was in Rey's braid thing from TFA or a Padmè hairstyle from the prequels. But going off her red hair she _could_ be Mara Jade (despite the EU no longer being 'canon').

"I'm fine, no harm done." She looked him up and down, clearly trying to figure out who he was. He braced for the inevitable.

"Poe, right?"

That was the last thing he expected to hear. "Yes! Oh thank god, you know you're the first person to guess right! _Everyone_ thinks I'm Finn. Which, I get why, and like...Finn is an important character but he's not my favorite and the costume was _way_ too easy."

She nodded. "Yeah, I get that. I'm Rey if you couldn't tell." She gestured down to her costume, which was just a shade darker than in the movie but was still shockingly accurate, down to her shoes.

"I could definitely tell. That's a great costume." 

"Thanks, yours too. I _love_ the jacket, it looks just like Poe's in the movie."

"Thanks. Customized it myself."

They were interrupted by several people trying to get by them, and she took the initiative to grab his hand and pull him somewhere they wouldn't be in the way (and took the time to notice that he had _really_ nice hands).

She stopped once they were in a corner and it wasn't so loud, quickly letting go of his hand.

"So um, what made you decide to dress up as Poe? I mean he didn't really have that big of a role in the film." Besides being absolutely gorgeous and nice and perfect, in her opinion.

"Well I really like him, he's such a genuinely nice guy and he's brave and kind to people. I love that he's not this macho guy, you know? He's _such_ a genuinely kind person and I loved it when he named Finn. Like he recognized his personhood and refused to call him by a number." And is also incredibly attractive. Not that he'd tell her that, he wasn't comfortable coming out to strangers, no matter how pretty they were.

"Ugh I know! I loved that too, that was such a great moment! And like I hate guys who are just super hypermasculine and manly, you know? Poe seemed really sensitive and like you said he's so nice! Like the man is nice to _droids_."

"I know, he's so great. He's just the total package." Oh shit, he didn't mean to say that. Hopefully she wouldn't think anything of it.

She nodded, grinning. "Yeah, he is. It really sucks that Rey and him didn't get to meet in the movie, they _so_ would have gotten along." And had amazing chemistry together.

"I know right?!? I mean they're both pilots and like...she's always been alone, and he has the whole team with the fighter pilots and they'd be good together. He could be family for her. At the very least good friends."

"Yeah, exactly! And their parallels are pretty amazing. Though come on, you can't tell me you don't want to see them makeout for the sheer hotness of it."

"That is a really nice visual." he admitted, grinning. They were both really hot people. 

"Yeah. And they have to meet, I mean he's part of the main trio, at some point they have to be introduced."

"Yeah, good point. Hopefully that happens in the second film."

"Hopefully."

He didn't know what to say then, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. Then he realized he didn't even know her name. "So um, what's your name? Cause I've been thinking of you as Rey this whole time."

"Jocelyn, and that's weird cause I've been referring to _you_ as Poe in my head."

"Well I'm Luke." At her "seriously?" look, he clarified "That's my real name, I promise. I know, it's weird, being a Star Wars fan named Luke." He held his hand out for her to shake, and she took it, squeezing gently. She held his hand for a beat longer than was acceptable, and he really didn't mind it. She had nice hands.

"Luke huh? Why didn't you dress up as him?" she teased, grinning up at him. God, he was really hot.

"I never really liked him, too whiny." He blushed before adding "And if I met someone here, there's no way they'd believe that my name was actually Luke."

She stepped closer to him, running her fingers over his wrist lightly. "Yeah? And have you met someone?"

He grinned at her, pleased that his flirting was actually working. "I think so, yeah."

She smiled, standing on her tiptoes and motioning for him to lean down, placing her hands on his shoulders for balance. He leaned down and she put her mouth to his ear, whispering "This party is kinda boring...wanna get out of here?"

He pulled back to look at her, smiling. "Definitely."

She got off her tiptoes, letting go of his shoulders. "Great." She grabbed his hand again, leading him out of the house. "My place is a few streets down. Did you drive or walk?"

"Drove. We can take my car if you want." 

"Sure."

He led her to his car, unlocking it and opening the door for her as she climbed in. He got in on the drivers side, and started the engine.

As soon as he started driving, he felt her hand on his belt, undoing it, then she unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. "What are you doing?"

"Giving you a handjob. Unless you don't want me to."

He was surprised by her bluntness but wasn't about to stop her; he could drive and get jerked off at the same time. "No complaints here."

"Good." She pulled his dick out of his boxers, running her hand over it, squeezing gently to get him hard. She started pumping her hand up and down, trying to gauge if he liked it (going off how breathy he was getting, he did). After a few moments she removed her hand; it was obvious this wasn't going to work with him driving, at least if she wanted to give him a _good_ handjob. "Pull over." 

He did as she asked, pulling over on the side of the road, turning off his car. She unstrapped her seat belt, unstrapping his as well. "Can you lay your seat back?"

"A bit, yeah."

"Do it."

He nodded, pulling the lever on the side of his chair and leaning back, causing his chair to drop a few inches. She moved so she was leaning over his upper body, grasping him in her hand again, starting to pump up and down slowly as she leaned down to suck on his neck, kissing upward to his lips. She bit down on his bottom lip, satisfied when he moaned into her mouth, slipping his tongue into hers and bucking his hips into her hand. She felt his hand on her back, pulling her closer to him and she leaned into it, not stopping her movements with her hand. 

_'Fuck, she's clearly in heat'_ he thought, moaning into her mouth. Not that he was complaining; she's hot and jerking him off before they even get to her place. Not what he was expecting from her.

He moaned as she kissed her way down his neck again, sucking on his throat and _god_ this was so hot. He wished he could hold out longer, feeling himself on the edge of cumming from her amazing hands. He felt her breath near his ear, then she whispered "The faster you cum, the faster we can get to mine and you can fuck me."

That did it. He almost felt bad when his cum covered her hand and got on his pants. Almost. The orgasm was too good and oh _shit_ she didn't stop kissing his neck or moving her hand till he stopped shaking.

She moved her hand off of him, sitting up and looking for something to wipe her hand off with.

"I don't have any STIs." he panted, coming down from his high, eyes widening when she proceeded to clean her hand off with her mouth. "God, you're so hot." he moaned, feeling himself start to get slightly turned on again at her actions. "Your hands are like fucking magic, oh my god that was amazing."

"Thanks." She wiped the excess off on a napkin she found on the floor, using it to wipe off his pants the best she could, tucking his dick back in his boxers for him.

He was surprised when she went the extra mile and cleaned him up, not many random hookups did that. He pulled the lever, adjusting his seat and buttoning his pants, buckling them again before starting the car and pulling onto the road.

"So um, how far to your place?"

"Not that far. Just a few more turns and you'll be at my building." She directed him to her building, quickly getting out of the car and running around to open his door, grabbing his hand and pulling him out. After he locked his car and made sure it was locked, he let her pull him into her building and into the elevator, at this point not surprised when she shoved him against the wall after hitting the button for the seventh floor and kissing him hard, grinding on him. _'Definitely in heat'_ he thought, pulling her closer to him, surprised when she put her hands on his shoulders and hitched her legs up around his waist, tongue still down his throat.

He could feel himself getting hard again, wrapping his arms around her to keep her steady. He turned her around so her back pressed against the elevator wall, grinding into her hard, moving his lips to suck on her neck and _fuck_ he was so turned on, this was basically sex with clothes on and if the damn elevator didn't get to her floor soon he's pretty positive they're going to lose the clothes part. She was moaning, bucking against his hips and _fuck_ maybe that whole thing about redheads being good in bed is true after all. If she is a real redhead, that is. Regardless he was going to find out soon enough.

Then the door dinged open and he let her down, stepping away to give her room to get away from the wall. They were both panting, and her eyes were dilated (he figured his were the same, he couldn't remember the last time he'd _wanted_ someone this much).

She grabbed his hand again and pulled him down the hall to her door, unlocking it with her key and pulling him inside, locking it again before she pushed him against the wall and kissed him hard. 

He kissed her back, then pushed her away slightly. "Hold on. Just, lemme catch my breath a bit, yeah?" 

"Sure. Bedroom's this way." She took off her shoes, placing them out of the way of the door, walking into the bedroom. She heard him follow a few moments later, thankfully having removed his shoes and socks so that was one less thing they had to take off. As soon as they were both in the room she turned her bedside lamp on, giving them a little light to see by as her room was a mess and she didn't want them tripping over anything.

"You want music on or no?"

"Not unless you want some."

"I don't." She didn't really have a sexy playlist handy and it's not like this was going to be something special. "Let's just, you take off your clothes, I take off mine. I worked hard on this costume and I don't want it wrecked." And she didn't want him seeing her scars until he had to.

Luke nodded, turning his back to her so he was facing the door as he took off his jacket, putting it on a chair in the corner, pulling his shirt over his head and dropping it to the floor. He made quick work of his pants (he'd have to wash them tomorrow, but it was so worth it), pulling his boxers off last.

He turned around and saw Jocelyn pulling down the blankets and sheets to the foot of the bed before taking off her costume, her back to him. She grabbed a hanger and hung her costume up in her closet, now in just her bra and underwear (they didn't match, maybe she hadn't been planning this). She took her hair out of the intricate hairstyle it had been in, letting it fall down her back and he fought the urge to walk over to her and run his fingers through it. She kept her back to him as she unstrapped her bra from the back, putting it in one of her dresser drawers. Then she took off her underwear, but didn't turn around. He heard her take a deep breath.

"I...you should probably know that I have scars. Ugly ones, on my inner thighs and my breasts and if that's going to stop you from fucking me you should just leave now." Her voice cracked at the last word and he had a feeling that a lot of men left after seeing her scars.

"That's not going to stop me."

She chuckled bitterly at that, shaking her head. "Stopped all the others." he heard her mumble before turning around to face him, and _holy shit_.

Her breasts were covered in scars, probably from a knife judging by how precise the cuts were. That wasn't the most horrifying part though. That honor went to the initials carved up-and-down in between her breasts, VM. He didn't know who this VM person was but he hoped wherever they were they were in a hell of a lot of pain for hurting her like this.

His eyes fell to her thighs next, seeing the same initials carved into each thigh, this time horizontally instead of vertically, inches from her vagina (and yeah, going off her pubes, she's a natural redhead. He felt sick thinking about how he'd actually been excited to find that out just moments ago). Her thighs were also littered with scars and what kind of monster would do this to her?!?

After what felt like hours, he found his voice, meeting her eyes. Managing to keep the anger out of his voice, he asked "Who is VM?"

"Someone who hurt me." she said quietly. That's all he needed to know, he didn't really care. Would be gone soon anyway.

He nodded, running a hand over his face. Tomorrow, he could try and find this guy. Maybe ask the chief for clearance to look into any men with the initials V.M. in New York. If he was even in New York, that is. Luke knew he wasn't in jail where he so obviously belonged, it would have been on the news.

"Luke?" He was pulled out of his thoughts as she spoke, looking at her. 

"Yeah?"

"Are you going to fuck me, or are you going to leave? Whichever you're going to do, do it now. Please." She very clearly just wanted something, _anything_ to happen, other than this standstill.

He nodded, walking over to her and leaning down to kiss her gently, backing her into the bed and pushing her down on it. He laid down next to her, kissing down her neck and she gave him a handjob in his car, she's obviously been treated like shit, he's going to go down on her.

He kissed and sucked his way down her neck, grasping her right breast in his hand and gently kneading it in his palm as he made his way down her collarbone, quickly covering her unattended breast with his mouth, moaning into it. He felt her hand at the back of his head, pushing him further down into her skin as he attempted to fit as much of her breast in his mouth as he could.

She moaned louder when he switched breasts, feeling her cum already coating her thighs and for once she's glad she's ovulating. She'll probably need that wetness for him to fit inside her, not that it mattered if it hurt. She's used to that. She just didn't want _him_ to be the only person who'd ever touched her anymore.

He ran his tongue over the initials on her chest, feeling like he had to do _something_ to help compensate for the awfulness that was carved into her skin. No one deserved scars in such intimate places. 

He continued his way down her body, sucking on her skin. He noticed a scar about 5 inches long near her waist, and kissed it lightly. He hoped it was an appendix scar or something, that she had normal scars in addition to the torture this mysterious V.M. had inflicted upon her.

By the time he got to her inner thighs, he noticed how wet she was, her cum shining on her thighs. He ran his tongue over them, partly to clean them up, partly to tease her a little. She's hot, it's sexy when hot women beg for you to go down on them. When they grab your head and force you to start eating them out.

He heard her moan, bucking her hips and he grinned, continuing to diligently clean up her thighs (which he _knew_ wasn't actually helping cause she just kept getting wetter and oh shit this is so hot).

"Luke, I know what you're doing and it's not fun." Okay, that was a lie, it totally was but him going down on her would probably be more fun. "Seriously, I know you know how much I need your mouth on my cunt _right now_ , so please just get to it."

And that was really sexy, a gorgeous woman ordering him to go down on her. _God_ , she's so beautiful. 

He lifted his head from her thighs, giving her a mock salute before saying "Yes ma'am."

Jocelyn blushed at that, about to reply when his mouth was on her and _oh god_ , no wonder people like this so much. Her hands reached down and gripped his shoulders, digging her nails into them as she thrust her hips into his mouth, back arching off the bed as she moaned. And then his hands were on her breasts and she didn't think this could get any better but apparently he _wanted_ to touch her ruined body. She thought earlier with his mouth had just been an obligation of some kind but maybe he didn't mind her ugliness. She hadn't expected this when she invited him back to her place, at most she expected a quick fuck and the possibility of getting off. Hell, it was _Star Wars party_ , at most she'd expected unwanted redhead comments and bad pickup lines. Definitely not someone to bring home.

Luke moaned as she thrust into his mouth, _fuck_ he loved it when women were this responsive to him, and her juices were already dripping down his chin when he'd hardly started. And her breasts were just the perfect size to touch and rub and squeeze as he ate her out. He felt her nails dig into his shoulders as he moved his tongue slowly inside her, savoring the moans it coaxed out of her. He'd never been with someone so quiet before, her moans coming very low from the back of her throat. Breathy gasps were more common, usually followed by her hands gripping down on his shoulders and something like "Oh god, oh my god Luke!" tumbling from her lips in a gasp. 

She's never felt anything like this before, just pure pleasure all throughout her body, quickly settling in one place and _nothing hurt_. It all felt so good, and he hadn't seemed grossed out by the scars on her thighs or her pubes which was more than she'd hoped for. _This_ was more than she'd hoped for, a gorgeous man going down on her, at most she'd expected to be used as something to fuck and maybe, possibly getting off, nothing like _this_ , his tongue inside her and his hands on her breasts.

Luke sped up the pace, gently running his hands over her breasts now, rolling her hardened nipples between his thumb and index, plucking at them almost lazily as his tongue swirled inside her. He could feel her start to clamp around his tongue, she was so fucking close and he caught her clit with his upper lip, sucking on it lightly and that's all she needed to go over the edge.

She started shaking, gripping his shoulders hard, gasping his name over and over as she came. She felt her sheets start to get wet and of course she'd have one of those orgasms, those always fucking happened when she was ovulating but she found she didn't really give a shit, too blissed out to care about anything other than the pleasure she was experiencing. As she came down from her high, she felt his tongue gently licking up the mess that coated her thighs, and she was overwhelmed by how nice that was. 

Luke ran his tongue over her thighs until they were mostly clean (she was drenched, there was still cum shining in her public hairs, he'd never get her thighs all clean), going up to lay beside her. She immediately grabbed his face once his was level with hers, pulling him in for a kiss, moaning against his mouth as she tasted herself on his lips. Then she started sucking on his jaw, running her tongue over his stubble and down his neck, cleaning herself off of his face and if anything this turned him on more. 

Once she was satisfied that he was clean enough, she pulled back, looking him in the eyes. "That's the first time anyone's gone down on me."

 _'Oh god you poor woman.'_ Okay, now he had a duty not only as a man, but as a human being to make sure she enjoyed herself.

The horror must have shown on his face cause she started laughing. "You look like I just killed your dog, jesus!" It was funny to think that someone would be so horrified upon learning that she'd gone nearly twenty five years of her adult life without experiencing oral sex, and yet this man was.

He started laughing a bit, her laughter proving to be contagious. Once they calmed down, he realized something. "Shit. Please tell me you don't have anything." He'd been so wrapped up in her that he'd forgotten to ask.

"No STIs, don't worry." she assured him, seeing the panic go out of his eyes. She glanced down at his dick from where he lay beside her, and yeah it's a _really_ good thing she's so wet (and she hoped him being uncircumcised would help make the sex go smoothly). "Want to fuck me now?"

He grinned, giving a little head tilt downwards. "Obviously." And then he remembered. "Shit, I don't have a condom." Maybe he could go out and get some.

"You don't need one, we don't have anything."

"I don't want to knock you up."

"Yeah, don't worry about that. My ex fixed that problem." She traced her fingers over the scar near her waist he'd seen earlier, and _oh my god_.

"What do you mean, he fixed it?" He had a pretty good idea of what she meant, and hoped he was wrong.

"I mean he destroyed my womb. Thankfully I was under anesthesia for it, didn't feel anything. When I woke up, I had several stitches and the inability to ever have biological children. Then naturally, because I was no use to him anymore, he didn't want me." She shook her head, letting out a bitter laugh. "God, if I'd known getting sterilzed would free me of him, I would have done it myself." 

"Why would he do that to you?" Luke asked, horrified.

"He thought I was cheating on him, and was pissed that his handiwork from last time didn't deter men from fucking me." She gestured to her scars, clearly seeing the irony in it, as up until Luke they'd done exactly what he'd intended them to do. "Wanted a way to render me useless as a woman."

She saw that he was about to speak, probably trying to come up with some bullshit to comfort her. "Listen, Luke. I have no delusions about what this is, okay? All I want from you is for you to fuck me." She averted her eyes, taking a deep breath. "I just...I need to have another experience, okay? I need another person inside me, someone who's not him." She was well aware that a good fuck is all she's good for. Not like anyone could ever love her, she's long given up on that fairytale.

Luke nodded, forcing himself not to cry cause now was not the time nor place but _oh my god_ this was so sad. She really thought she was useless, this gorgeous woman really thought she was useless and that killed him. 

She saw that he was fighting back tears and was genuinely touched. No one had ever cried over her before. She reached up and cupped his cheek, running her thumb over his stubble, leaning her forehead against his. "It's not that sad, I'm used to it. Good news is, you can cum in me all you want and nothing will ever come of it."

He nodded, taking a deep breath and moving his forehead away from her. It was still sad, but he forced himself not to dwell on it. Last thing she needed was him sobbing into her shoulder because of all the shit she's been through.

She reached down and ran her fingers lightly over him, satisfied when his hips jerked towards her. 

"Do you want to top? Or me?" she asked, still running her fingers over him lightly. He seemed to really like her hands, which was a bit strange, she wasn't used to men liking anything about her other than her breasts or cunt.

"Whichever you prefer."

"You top, then." She needed to know what someone else felt like on top of her.

"Do we need lube or are you wet enough?"

"I'm drenched, I'm pretty sure we're okay. And if I'm not that's okay too. You can't hurt me more than I already have been."

 _'Do not cry, she doesn't need that. All she needs is you fucking her.'_ he thought, forcing the tears back. "Okay." he whispered, and settled himself on top of her, kissing her lightly. She reached between them and positioned him, bucking her hips to get just a little bit of him inside her.

"This isn't anything special, don't make it weird." He won't want anything to do with her after this, really all she's good for is fucking. Best to just not pretend it's more than it is.

He nodded, pushing himself inside her slowly, looking her in the eyes. Hers widened when he was all the way inside her, probably adjusting to the feeling as she gripped his back, digging her nails into his skin and yeah he might have to wear dark shirts for a few days. 

"Oh my god, oh fuck that feels so good!" she gasped, bucking her hips while clawing at his back, and then he started kissing her neck and _moving_ , and she couldn't contain herself, it'd been _years_ since a man had been inside her, and this time she actually wanted him to be, it wasn't because it was expected of her. She wrapped her legs around him, encouraging him to go faster, harder. She couldn't get any words out, all she could do was gasp and hope he got the message.

He sucked on her neck, moaning into it as he thrust into her. She sounded like she was enjoying herself and he feared for the state of his back after this, her nails digging in deeper as he fucked her harder. He tried to be somewhat gentle with her, moving his lips off her neck to kiss her face. 

Jocelyn was surprised when he started covering her face with kisses. It wasn't unpleasant, far from it. She wasn't used to being seen a person during sex, normally her breasts were what got focused on, at least in her only prior experience, but he was looking her in the eyes and she felt like he saw her as a person, not just as something to fuck. She could feel herself getting closer, eyes falling shut as she clung to him. She almost felt bad about scratching up his back, but everything felt so good she couldn't bring herself to regret it too much. 

He could feel himself getting close, but he wanted her to cum first, reaching his hand down between them and rubbing her clit as he thrust into her. He didn't take his eyes off her face as she came, her eyes falling shut and shaking against him.

She gasped, clawing into his back as she fell over the edge, her body starting to shake as her pleasure reached its peak. As she came down, she felt him shudder against her, signaling his orgasm and she was touched that he'd let her cum first, hell, that he'd made sure she came at all.

Once Luke calmed down, he got off of her, laying beside her. He reached down and grabbed the sheet, pulling it over both of them, breathing heavily. _'Well that was really fun'_. He hoped she'd enjoyed herself.

Jocelyn tried to catch her breath, feeling his cum start to drip out of her, a slight bitterness welling in her gut at the knowledge that she'd never get pregnant from it. Not that she wanted Luke's baby, she barely knew the man. She would have liked the fucking _option_ though, the ability to get knocked up. But of course he had to take that away from her too, and didn't want her once she couldn't give him children. That's all she'd been to him, a walking womb.

He looked over at her, seeing a scowl on her face. "Something wrong?"

She remembered that he was still here (why was he still here? He got what he wanted, shouldn't he be gone by now?) and fixed her face into a more relaxed expression. "Fine. Thanks for that, it was really great." She hoped he didn't think she was just saying that, it had been really great.

They were silent for a few minutes, just laying there.

"Do you want me to go?" he asked, breaking the slightly awkward silence.

She found that she didn't. Not because she wanted _him_ , but because she wanted somebody. "No, actually. Unless you want to leave. I'm just...tired of being alone." She was so fucking tired of it. It was sad really, how much she could relate to Rey in her loneliness.

"I'll stay then." 

"Okay." She didn't know what to do now. Would he want to hold her? Did he expect sex in the morning? Should she put clothes on, would she wake up to him fucking her? He didn't look the type but she wasn't sure. "You're not going to try anything while I'm sleeping, are you?"

Luke was appalled. "No! I'm not going to rape you!" He was disgusted that she felt the need to ask that, clearly it had happened to her before. "What does V.M stand for? Who is he, what's his name?" He was definitely going to try and find this guy, he belonged behind bars.

"Why do you care?" She looked at him, pulling the sheet up to her chest, making sure she was covered. She didn't like him looking at her scars.

"I'm a detective, I can find him. He's obviously not in jail, if he was it would have been on the news."

And Jocelyn hadn't expected him to be a cop. "No point. Not like there's any proof he hurt me. He only did initials, he could argue they're someone else's."

"Were you just dating, or were you married to him?"

"Married." 

"Then that's a recorded document, we could easily-"

"No. I wasted too many years of my life with him, I just want to leave it in the goddamn past. I know he's not doing this to anyone else, it's just me." Knowing him, he probably went celibate after the divorce.

Luke fell silent then. She sounded pretty adamant that she didn't want this dug up again, and he'd respect that (no matter how much he wanted to hunt him down and make him pay). "Okay, if you don't want me to find him I won't."

"I don't." She paused, before deciding fuck it, she's never going to see him again after tonight. "If he thought you gave a shit about me, he'd be back in my life again like that." She snapped her fingers for emphasis.

"Why?"

"Because these scars and my infertility didn't do their job. He doesn't want me to be happy if it's not with him."

"But he doesn't want you anymore."

"Yeah, but to him I'm still his property. He feels he owns me and doesn't want anyone else having me."

Luke felt sick. This man sounded vile. "Well he doesn't. It's bullshit."

"I know. Doesn't change the fact he hoped that by marking his property, other men would stay away. Then I got too friendly with one of his co workers at a party, he assumed I was cheating and was pissed the scars weren't enough. So he did that." She traced the scar lightly with her fingertips. "Then because I couldn't give him children, he finally signed the divorce papers I'd been begging him to sign since he gave me my scars. And I was free of him."

"How long were you married?"

"Four years. From nineteen to twenty three."

"And you haven't been with other men since me?"

She shook her head. "Not for lack of trying. When they start talking kids on the third date and I tell them I can't have any, they lose interest pretty fast. And if they don't, the scars scare them away. They usually look pretty horrified, like you did, then they start stumbling over how they aren't looking for baggage, or at least that type of baggage. Then they leave." _'They always leave'_

Okay, those men were fucking assholes. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "Didn't deserve you anyway."

She blushed at that, unable to stop herself from leaning into him. "Thanks, that's a sweet thing to say."

"It's the truth."

She stayed silent at that, rolling onto her stomach and daring to lay her head on his collarbone. She felt his hand go to her back, running his fingers through her hair lightly.

"I love your hair, it's so pretty."

"Thanks. I appreciate the lack of redhead comments by the way, you have no idea how annoying those get." She'd considered dyeing it brown at one point, just so they'd stop, but in the end she decided not to. Her hair was the only good thing about her looks.

"Want to do this again sometime?" He knew he did. She's gorgeous, and yeah she's broken, but...a part of him wanted to show her that she wasn't worthless because of her scars or infertility (and the rest of him just really wanted to have sex with her again). 

"What, fuck?" She hadn't been expecting that. What guy would want to fuck her a second time? Once would be more than enough, or at least she thought so. Her body was ruined and the only perk to her infertility she could think of was Luke not having to wear a condom when he screwed her.

"Yeah. I want to."

"Why?"

"You're a great fuck, and you're gorgeous."

"You've seen my scars, don't lie. I know I'm a good lay but I'm sure as hell not gorgeous." She didn't see why he felt he had to lie about her looks, he'd already fucked her.

"I think you are. You have beautiful eyes and your hands are to die for."

She looked at him then, smirking a bit. "What is it with you and my hands? My handjob was not _that_ good."

"I thought it was. And like...they're just so gorgeous." He took one of her hands that was laying on his chest, running his thumb over her fingers.

She watched him, smiling a bit. He was _weird_ , she'd never been complimented on her hands before. "Thanks."

"Are you an artist? You look like you'd be an artist." He could definitely see her making something with these hands. They were artist hands if he ever saw them.

"Yeah, I paint. Used to do it for money when I first moved here." Now it was just for fun or as a stress reliever. It was always really calming to her.

"That's really cool. You ever had anyone model for you?" He let go of her hand, letting it drop back on his chest.

"No. I never really felt comfortable painting strangers." She looked up at him, studying his face. "I wouldn't mind painting you though."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. You have an interesting face. Especially your nose. Looks nice when you smile."

"Thanks. Course technically I'm a stranger."

"Yeah, but not _really_. And you said you wanted to do a friends with benefits thing, right?"

"Yeah. Is that a yes?"

"Only if this arrangement involves you going down on me a lot."

"Yeah, that was a given."

"Seriously? You like going down on me?"

"Yeah. It's really sexy, especially when you get all bossy about it."

 _This_ was a surprise.

" _Really_? Do you get all hot and bothered when I order you around?" she teased, grinning.

He blushed. "That a bad thing?"

"Are you kidding? _That_ , is really attractive."

"Glad you think so."

They fell silent, her head on his chest.  
"Do you think Poe gets off on Rey ordering him around?"

"Maybe. Course he's a soldier so probably not."

"Good point. It'd be hot if he did though."

"Yeah, though Rey doesn't strike me as the type to order people around." he pointed out.

"Hey, she might be. She took charge in the movie."

"Yeah, good point."

She grinned, looking up at him. "So does this make you the Poe to my Rey?"

He rolled his eyes, smiling at her. "First of all, they aren't even canon, and probably won't be. Second of all...maybe."

"Yeah, they probably won't be. But they'd be good together."

"Damn right. They'd kick ass with their awesome piloting skills and her inherent Skywalker Jedi-ness."

"And Poe is probably really good with his hands." 

"Probably has damn good reflexes too." 

"Wonder how the Force works for sex. Think Poe'd be into that?"

"Well I can't speak for him, but I know I would."

She laughed at that, and the absurdity of their conversation hit her. "Okay, we obviously need some sleep if we're seriously discussing the force as it pertains to sex."

He yawned, nodding. He pulled the blanket over them both, wrapping his arm around her. "This okay?" 

"Yep. Night." she mumbled, closing her eyes and settling her head on his chest. His heartbeat was calming to listen to.

"Night." 

Friends with benefits. He liked the sound of that.


	2. demons and loneliness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jocelyn is grateful that she’s found someone willing to sleep with her. Luke is just grateful she wants to sleep with him regularly. // second chapter of my now-multi chapter fic formerly called "be the poe to my rey (don’t leave)".

Jocelyn awoke to someone's weight half on top of her and _oh no_. For a terrifying moment before she opened her eyes she thought it was Valentine, that he was back in her life and hurting her again. Then she remembered who it was, and it looks like Luke had lied when he said he wouldn't rape her and she felt numb, for some stupid reason she'd trusted him, he'd been so good to her, why would he hurt her?

As she woke up fully she realized that no, he wasn't tearing her apart from the inside and his hands weren't anywhere inappropriate, they were just resting on her waist fairly innocently, and that's when she noticed the faint snoring coming from him. 

_'Oh thank god. Who sleeps like that? Jesus this guy just keeps getting weirder'_

She found she didn't mind it. It wasn't anything pervy, it almost felt...protective, in a way. Like he was instinctively shielding her body with his own (which was strange as they'd just met). She figured she might as well deal with it, she wasn't strong enough to push him off and didn't want to wake him. He's a cop, probably has weird hours.

A few minutes later she heard an alarm go off somewhere on the floor, definitely not her alarm so it had to be from his phone. He jerked awake and very quickly got off of her.

"Oh shit, I'm so sorry about that. I wasn't trying anything I swear, that's just how I sleep when I'm in bed with other people. It's got nothing to do with you or anything." He hoped she didn't think that meant he wanted something serious, cause he didn't. Fucking her on the regular no strings attached was all he really wanted.

She nodded. "Yeah, I get that. Would you mind turning off your alarm? My neighbors hate me as it is." Especially with how when she went on dates and they came back to hers, a few minutes later the guy would leave, always slamming her door. She figured that's what they'd expected with Luke (hell, that's what _she'd_ expected with him). She was not looking forward to the comments from Pamela, her nosiest neighbor.

"Oh yeah, sure." He got out of bed, grabbing his pants and fishing his phone out of his pocket, turning the alarm off. "Shit, I gotta go."

Jocelyn looked at the clock on her bedside. "It's 6 in the morning."

"Yeah, my shift starts at 7:30. I gotta get home and shower before work." He probably wouldn't be able to eat breakfast this morning.

"You can use my shower. I can make us some eggs, and I could brew us some coffee if you want." He'd been nice enough to fuck her last night, and miraculously wanted it to be a regular thing, the least she could do was offer him a shower and breakfast.

"That would be really great, thanks." He leaned down and kissed her cheek before grabbing his clothes off the floor. "So where's the bathroom?"

"Down the hall, first door on your right." She allowed herself the pleasure of watching him walk out of her room, and _damn_ , she hadn't noticed last night but he has a really nice ass. 

She hauled herself out of bed, smiling a little at the ache in her thighs (for once it wasn't a bad feeling). She pulled on some underwear from her drawer, throwing the ones she'd worn last night into the hamper by her dresser. She debated wearing a cute bra just because but figured it didn't matter anyway, what lay underneath negated the purpose of cute underthings, (she only really owned one pair of lingerie, and they hadn't been enough to make the one man who'd seen her in them not look at her in disgust after seeing the scars). She pulled on a shirt and some jeans, brushing her hair before going out to the kitchen and starting a pot of coffee.

She looked in her fridge, pulling out the egg carton and _shit_ , only two left. _'He might as well have them both. He was so good to me last night'_ she thought, getting out a skillet and spraying it before turning on the stove and cracking the eggs in them. She got out some bread and the toaster, sticking two pieces in for her breakfast.

She got out two coffee cups, pouring the coffee in once it was finished brewing and put it on the table. She wasn't sure how he liked his but she always liked a little milk so she left that on the table after pouring some in her cup, and then her toast popped up and she put it on a plate, taking it to the table. Then of course she smelt burning so hurried over to the stove and flipped his eggs over, relieved when they weren't that burnt, and watched them diligently until it was time to put them on his plate. She took his food on the table, sat down and sipped her coffee.

A few minutes later he came out fully dressed (unfortunately. She'd wanted to see how he looked in a towel) and sat down next to her.

"So do you have a knights of the round table thing going on here?" he asked, smiling a little and gesturing to her circular table.

She smiled, swallowing a sip of coffee and shaking her head. "Nope, it came with the place."

"Cool." He looked at her plate and noticed she just had plain toast. "You didn't want eggs?"

She shook her head, not wanting him to know she'd given him the last two. He seemed like the kind of guy to insist that she take his food and she didn't want a reason to start liking him for more than what he could make her feel in bed. "No, changed my mind. And I didn't know how you like your coffee so I just left the milk out. Don't have any sugar, sorry. And I burnt your eggs a little, sorry about that."

"Nah, it's fine. I drink it black anyway, and I'm sure they're fine." He sipped his coffee, and started eating his eggs, and yeah they were a little burnt but not badly. "Have any pepper?"

She winced, smacking her forehead. "Shit. Sorry, I completely forgot." She quickly got up and grabbed the pepper from the counter, handing it to him. "I'm not that bright in the morning, I'm sorry." Or ever, really.

"No, don't apologize. It's not your fault, it's fine." he assured her, trying to help her calm down. He didn't like that she kept apologizing for things that were honest mistakes, and he especially didn't like how quick she'd been to hurt herself. "Just, sit down and relax, okay? It's fine."

She nodded. "Okay." She sat down and started eating her toast. _'God, you're so fucking stupid! First you burn his eggs then you forget pepper. Why does he want to fuck you again?'_

After they finished eating, she moved to grab his plate and bring it to the sink when he stopped her, grabbing her plate. "No, you sit down, I can wash up."

"Okay." She handed him his plate, sitting back down a little hesitantly. This was new. She wasn't used to someone offering to do the dishes for her. She quickly finished off her coffee, grabbed his empty mug and brought them both to the sink, washing them out. She felt like she had to do _something_ , she couldn't just sit there.

He glanced at her as she washed and dried the cups, putting them away in a cupboard. "Where do the plates go?"

She opened the cupboard next to the cups. "Here. And silverware goes in this drawer." She opened the drawer next to her, moving out of the way so he could put them away.

"Go sit down, I got this." She looked like she needed to relax, she was obviously nervous.

She nodded, taking her seat at the table. When he was finished, he sat down next to her. "So we should probably talk about the terms of this arrangement." he said, inwardly cringing at how formal that had come out. _'Terms of this arrangement?!? Who the fuck says that, oh my god she's going to think you're some kind of sex feind or something'_

She chuckled at his odd phrasing. "God, you make it sound like a business meeting instead of us fucking."

He smiled, ducking his head slightly as he started blushing and he looks cute when he blushes, she decided. She could just make out the slight change of color on his cheeks, though it wasn't overly noticeable. Not like on her.

"Right, sorry. But seriously, what rules should we have? Are we allowed to fuck other people?" He didn't really want to. Yeah he didn't want to date her, but he also didn't want to fuck anyone else, that was just asking for drama he didn't need.

"Yeah, that rule would only apply to _you_. You're the only man in this goddamn city who _wants_ to fuck me." she pointed out, tapping her fingers on the table.

"That's probably not true." He couldn't believe that. Other than her scars, she was gorgeous. Anyone would be lucky to fuck her.

"It is. You, on the other hand, could get any girl you wanted. How the fuck are you still single?"

"I work weird hours and most people don't want to deal with that." He paused, deciding to just get it over with. "And I'm bisexual, so women aren't the only people I'm into."

Jocelyn's eyes widened slightly at that, not something she'd been expecting. Of course, now that she thought about it, he hadn't mentioned any pronouns when he'd flirted with her last night, so it made sense. "Noted. So, do you want to sleep with other people, or no?"

Luke was kind of surprised that his sexuality wasn't an issue for her, but decided to just roll with it. "No, not really. I'm more of a one-person-at-a-time type of guy." he said.

She nodded to herself; made sense with her general impression of him. "Okay, great. So um...sex dos and don't? Like, what's something you don't want to do?"

"Well, the only real thing is anal sex." He started blushing a little a that, ducking his head. "Not really into that with ladies."

"Oh thank god, I'm not into that at all." She waited till he met her eyes to continue. "And I'm not into anything that involves restraints, or you controlling my movements. I need to see your face at all times, nothing where you're touching me from behind. And please, please, please don't ever try and kiss me awake. Not that you would, but just to get it out there." She hated how demanding she sounded, that she had so many rules and issues and he probably wouldn't want to fuck someone who had so many restrictions.

Luke listened to her list off what she didn't like, and _fuck_ , VM was a monster. He hated everything she listed because it just gave him more of an idea of how that man had fucked her up (and might have been her only sexual experience and what if she thought that was _normal_?!?)

"Okay. That's okay with me, I'll keep all that in mind. And...just to clarify, was he your only sexual experience until last night?" he asked gently, looking her in the eyes.

She nodded, forcing a smile. "Yeah, he was. And I just, I really appreciate how you treated me last night, and I don't mean you...doing that thing before sex." She blushed, looking down and covering her face with her hair, forcing herself to stop blushing before looking at him. "Thanks for not treating me like I'm just something to fuck. And for making sure I got off, that was really nice of you."

Luke was disgusted. "That wasn't me being nice. That was me being _decent_. Joss, that's how _everyone_ should treat you, that's the bare minimum of fucking decency." He didn't realize he'd shortened her name until he said it, trying to calm himself down. He knew he'd promised her he wouldn't go after this guy, but now he was tempted to break it. Who could treat her like that, like she was a fucking _object_ to use and discard?!?

The nickname surprised her, and she was about to ask him about it when she saw him getting angry and instinctively flinched, cowering in her seat slightly. 

His anger left him as soon as he saw her flinch. "Shit, sorry." He met her eyes, trying to convey his honesty. "Joss, I promise you I will never lay a hand on you, I swear. I won't ever hurt you. I'm not angry at you, I'm angry at him."

She nodded, seeing that he was serious. She tried to calm down her body's natural response, taking deep breaths. "I trust you."

"Good." Then he realized he'd just used a nickname twice. "Is it okay if I call you Joss? If you don't like it I'll call you Jocelyn."

"No, that's okay. I like it, never really had a nickname before."

And somehow that just made it sadder. "Okay then, I'll call you Joss." Then his phone rang and he answered it, seeing it was Alaric. 

"Yeah?"

"Dude, where are you? It's 6:50!"

"Shit, I'll be there soon, sorry. Lost track of time." He hung up, quickly standing up. "That was my partner, I gotta go." He had to stop by home and get his uniform on.

"Wait, lemme give you my number." She stood up, grabbing a scrap of paper and a pen from the counter, writing her number neatly and giving it to him. "Here. Just, call me whenever."

"Okay, I'll do that." He took it, leaning down to give her a kiss. She instinctively stepped back.

"Sorry, can you...I know it's weird but can you ask before you kiss me? Please?"

He quickly realized the implications of that request, nodding. "Yeah, I can do that. Is that just kissing or with everything?"

Oh shit he's going to hate her, he'll never want to touch her again she's such a fuck up. "With everything. Sorry." 

He shook his head. "Don't apologize for that. Not your fault." He looked down at her lips, running his tongue over his own. "Can I kiss you?"

"Yeah." She leaned up to kiss him, standing half on her tiptoes, grateful when he leaned down to kiss her, his tongue swiping across her bottom lip. She automatically granted him access, and suddenly found herself pinned against the counter. She froze, pushing him back. He quickly stepped back, concerned. 

"You okay?" He looked worried about her. _'Weird.'_

"Yeah, just...I don't like being pinned against stuff. Not being able to escape." She shivered involuntarily.

"Oh. I just thought you did cause last night in the elevator you didn't mind it."

"That was different. I did mind it, but I didn't want you to leave and it felt really good, kissing you." Feeling how much he wanted her had been the best part, honestly.

"Well, don't do that again. I don't want you putting up with something that triggers you just because you want me to stay. I'm not going to leave, trust me." he said, really not liking how she'd ignored something that bothered her.

"I know that now, but up until you they all left. Fuck, that's why I jerked you off in your car. I thought if you got off before you saw my scars you wouldn't mind them so much. And also cause I wanted to see if I was still any good at that."

He nodded, understanding. "Well, you're really good at that."

She blushed, running a hand through her hair. God, she wasn't used to blushing this much. "Thanks. And you should probably go, your shift'll start soon and you probably don't want to go into work dressed as Poe."

"Shit, yeah. Well um, bye." He gave her a little wave before going over to the door and pulling his shoes and socks on, leaving with one last look back at her before closing the door. 

Jocelyn went back into her bedroom, stripping the sheets off and putting them in the washing machine, starting the load before putting new sheets on the bed, pulling the blankets over them. She didn't have to open the shop until nine, she had time to kill. She settled on her bed, and that's when she saw it.

His jacket was still on the chair in the corner.

She got off the bed, walking over and picking it up. She should probably spray it with freshener before giving it back to him (unfortunately, it was leather and she couldn't wash it). She went to the laundry room, grabbing some spray that would be safe for it, spraying the outside and inside before hanging it up in her closet to dry. 

She figured that since she had some time to kill she could paint a little, grabbing a hairband and putting her hair up in a messy bun before going out to the kitchen and getting her paint supplies from the closet, setting up her easel. She grabbed a stool and found herself starting to sketch Luke, an image of him laying in her bed on his back, the view as you would see him from the side, not a stitch of clothing on.

She left his face for last, unsure whether his eyes should be open or closed. In the end she decided closed, arms behind his head. She wasn't sure whether she got his face right, or really if it was any good. Not that it mattered, no one would see it. She put the sketch in her book of finished/never to be seen by anyone artwork, and put her art supplies away just as her phone started blaring her alarm.

She sighed, going into her bedroom to turn off the alarm. _'Time for work'_

* * *

After closing up shop at the end of the day (well, 10 pm was the end of the day for her), she stopped by a Chinese place for dinner, and really how lonely is eating food alone? She never realized how lonely that was till having breakfast with Luke. She'd gotten so used to it it didn't register as lonely. 

She took a cab home after dinner, and on the elevator ride up to her floor she got a text.

**_Hey, it's luke. just wanted to make sure you have my number_**

She put his number in her contacts before texting back

**_thanks. How was work? Get there on time?_ **

**_I was a few minutes late, but everything else was okay._ **

She unlocked her door, quickly going inside to avoid Pamela (she always seemed to know when she got home), and figured fuck it, going to her contacts and tapping his number after getting to the Ls. 

"Hey." 

"Hey." 

"So, how bad's your back?" She smiled a bit, remembering how satisfying it had felt to dig her fingernails into his skin. 

"Bad enough that my partner noticed when I took off my jacket. Told me to keep it on cause he could see the marks through my shirt." 

"Sorry." But really she wasn't sorry at all. 

"No, you're not." and she could hear the smile in his voice. 

"Yeah, I'm not." She switched hands as she took her jacket off, hanging it up and slipping off her shoes. 

"You okay?" 

"Yeah, just taking my shoes off. Just got home." She put her purse on the counter and sat down at the table. 

"Oh. What do you do anyway?" 

"I own an antique shop." 

"Ah. Very cool." 

"Yeah, it is..." She couldn't think of what to say, and she really wanted him to come over and fuck her again, but...two nights in a row? Was that allowed? 

"Joss? You still there?" 

"Yeah, I just, um...what are you doing right now?" 

"Sitting in the parking lot, about to drive home." 

"What time do you have to be up tomorrow?" 

"I don't have to go in till 10. Why?" 

"Do you want to come over and fuck me?" 

"Yes." 

Was it a good sign that he'd answered so fast? "Okay, lemme text you my address." She hung up, texting him the address to her building and her apartment number. 

She quickly stripped, hopping into the shower and washing herself off. She blow-dried her hair, not sure what to do next. Should she wear something special? Not because the event was special but because she hadn't been able to in a while and wanted an excuse. 

She grabbed her lingerie, putting it on quickly and taking his jacket off the hanger. She pulled it on, zipped it up, and thankfully it was long enough to cover her underwear, falling just short of mid-thigh. Was this sexy though? Or just weird? Would he think it was weird? What if he laughed at her? She'd be so embarrassed if he laughed at her. 

Before she could debate it any further there was a knock on the door, and she ran over to it, peeping through the peephole and saw Luke standing there. Her eyes widened when she saw Pamela come out of her room from across the hall, and quickly opened the door before she cornered Luke, hiding behind the door and shutting it. 

"Is that my Poe jacket?" 

She froze, turning around. "Yeah, you left it here on accident. Want it back?" 

He smirked, and she knew what he was going to say before the words even left his lips. "Keep it, looks good on you." 

She laughed at the reference, waiting till he'd slipped his shoes off and hung up his jacket to go into the bedroom, expecting him to follow her. "You don't think two nights in a row is too much, do you? Too slutty?" 

"Definitely not." He closed the bedroom door behind them, unbuckling and unbuttoning his pants, pushing them to the ground along with his boxers and stepping out of them. Kicking them into a corner out of the way, he started unbuttoning his shirt. 

Joss pulled back the covers on her bed, turning on one of the bedside lamps. She went over and and took his shirt from him, hanging it on a hanger in the closet so it wouldn't get wrinkled. "Sit on the bed." 

"Yes ma'am." And she could hear the smirk in his voice, which made her smile. She unzipped his (well, hers now unless he was just quoting the line) jacket and hung it up next to his shirt. She took a deep breath before slowly turning around, suddenly very self conscious as she walked in front of the bed. When he didn't say anything, she got worried that she looked awful. "Well?" 

He nodded, still trying to process. "You, um...you look really good. Really, really good." He licked his lips unconsciously, itching to run his fingers over the black lace. 

"You're not just saying that?" she asked, a little nervous. 

"Fuck no. C'mere."

She walked over to the side of the bed where he was sitting with his feet hanging off. He didn't look at her face, eyes firmly on her breasts. She started to feel even more self conscious; he was staring at her scars, and god this was a bad idea, lingerie looks _ugly_ on her, why did she do this? 

"Is it okay if I suck on your boobs through your bra?" he asked, looking up at her, and it didn't look like he was going to actually do anything without her consent. 

She nodded, and he leaned forward, capturing a nipple in his mouth and swirling his tongue around it. It felt strange but _really good_ through the lace, her hands going to the back of his head and his hands fell to her waist, just short of her underwear band. 

She leaned her head back, moaning softly when he ran his teeth over her now-hard nipple lightly, switching breasts after a few minutes. She could feel herself getting wetter, and yeah, she could already tell she'd have to change the sheets again after this. 

Then his mouth was off her breasts and he looked up at her. "You look beautiful. I mean that, you really do." 

"You don't think I look silly or anything?" 

"No. I think you look sexy. Although, you'd look even sexier," he reached around to her back, grabbing her bra clasp, "if you were naked. May I?" 

She loved that he kept asking permission, it was so nice and made her feel in control. "Yes, you may." 

He unstrapped the bra, pulling it off of her arms. She decided to take a little initiative, waiting till he'd tossed her bra somewhere to push him back onto the bed so he was laying on his back, crawling on top of him. She smirked as she straddled his thighs, grinding on him. She could feel how hard he was through the thin lace of her underwear, and if she wanted, she could just push it aside and sink down on him. 

But this was her only lingerie set, so she lifted her hips slightly, pulling it off and down to her knees before positioning him and sinking down, pulling her underwear off the rest of the way. 

He moved his hands to her waist to steady her, very surprised by this turn of events. When she'd said she wanted him to fuck her, he'd expected something similar to last night, not lingerie and her riding him. He bucked his hips up, thrusting up into her as she moved her hips back and forth, putting her hands on his chest for balance. 

She closed her eyes, focusing on how good it felt. She didn't want to say anything, she didn't want to think, she just wanted to let herself go and enjoy having sex that she wanted to have, with a man she wanted to have it with. 

He watched her, moaning low in his throat as she rode him. She was so _quiet_ , barely any moans coming out this time, just gasps. Her eyes were closed and she looked like an angel above him, her hair flying around her face and her breasts moving with every rock of her hips. He gripped her hips, moaning as he thrust into her and fuck this felt so nice, the weight of her on top of him only added to how good it felt being inside her. 

Jocelyn opened her eyes then, looking down at him and _oh_ , she would definitely have to draw him from this angle. He was looking at her with so much _want_ in his eyes, she couldn't remember a time she'd been looked at like that and it didn't send a shiver of fear down her spine. It was strange, but she found she liked it. "You're so fucking gorgeous." she gasped, because it was true and she couldn't find it in her to be embarrassed for telling him that. 

He chuckled, running his thumbs over her waist, moaning "So're you." 

She was struck briefly with the thought of what beautiful children they'd make together and _oh no oh god no, not now please not now_. She could feel herself flashing back to that horrible day and squeezed her eyes shut, riding him harder, determined to at least get him off before she flared. 

Luke was startled when she started riding him harder, an almost frantic pace to it and he just went with it, bucking his hips to meet her thrusts. He could feel himself getting close and he gripped her hips hard when he came, eyes shutting at the last moment. 

As soon as his body calmed down she was off of him, getting up on shaky legs and stumbling to the bathroom. She went into shower, turning it on and rushing in, not giving a damn that the water was on cold. She was still shaking as she slid down the wall, curling up and hugging her knees. She vaguely registered his cum dripping out of her, and she squeezed her eyes shut.

* * *

_She remembered how Valentine had taken her to his friend Timothy's office. He'd told her that he was a dentist and that she should get her teeth looked at. She hadn't questioned the lack of breakfast she'd had or when they'd put her under, for some stupid reason she'd trusted him at face value, believed that he loved her at least a little bit, that he cared enough about her to set up a dental appointment for her._

_She never forgot waking up with a slight ache and a bandage on her body, being told not to move too much or she'll tear the stitches. She didn't know what they were talking about, and Timothy said "Have you forgotten? Valentine told me you desperately wanted to be free of the burden of having children. So I fixed it for you."_

_And then she realized what had happened, and felt her heart break, tears streaming down her face and she remembers screaming and throwing things and how goddamn _angry_ and _sad_ she'd been. She never realized how much she'd wanted to have children until she couldn't anymore._

* * *

Luke laid in bed, eyes closed and recovering from his orgasm. He was waiting for her to come back from her quick shower, but after what felt like 15 minutes he started to get worried. _'After-sex showers don't take that long'_

He got up to go check on her, walking out into the hall and into the bathroom upon seeing that the door was open. He flicked the light switch on, seeing Joss sitting in the corner of the shower with her knees pulled up to her chin, sobbing. He hurried into the shower and went over to her, jumping slightly when he felt the ice cold water. 

"Joss? What's wrong?" 

She looked up at him but didn't reply, and it didn't look like she was _seeing_ him, almost like she was looking through him. He turned off the water, picked her up and carried her back to the bedroom. Laying her on the bed gently, he pulled the blankets over her (he wasn't sure how she'd react to him helping her dress). Then he got into bed with her but kept his distance. 

It was a while before she stopped crying, and even longer before she spoke. 

"I...I want to have a child. I want that _so much_. I hate that he took that from me. He'd already taken everything else, why did he have to take that too?" 

Luke didn't have an answer for that, unsure of what to say. "It's not right, and it's not fair. None of it is but especially not that." 

She nodded, wiping her eyes. "Thanks for bringing me back here...I couldn't move, probably would have stayed there all night. And I'm really sorry you had to see that, I normally don't flare this bad around other people." _'What other people are there? You're always alone, you have no friends except Dot, there's no one in your life to flare around'_

"Don't apologize for that, it's okay. Do you know what set you off?" 

"Just...a thought I had. About how beautiful our children would be. And that's not me saying I want your children, I don't. You're just the person that's here, who for some reason wants to fuck me. So of course I thought about you and me and children. And then about how nothing like that could ever happen because of Valentine. And then...it all just came crashing down and I couldn't breath under the weight of it all and I ran. And really, I should be goddamn over this by now, it happened _decades_ ago but it still hurts so much." 

Luke nodded, filing away the name Valentine for future reference. Pretty unique name, if she ever wanted him to find him he's pretty sure he could. "It's really sad, how you can't have children. That's really horribly sad. And...everyone gets over trauma at their own pace, there's no set time frame for when you should be recovered." He couldn't think of anything else to say. This whole situation since her flare had thrown him for a loop. 

"Yeah, I guess." _'Still pathetic though'_ She moved towards him and laid her head on his chest, breathing deeply, and she couldn't stop herself from blurting out more shit he didn't need to know. "I thought of killing myself after that. Especially after Valentine divorced me and threw me out, because suddenly I had nowhere to live except my parents' house and I didn't know how to tell them about my infertility. So I moved as far away from California as I could. Only thing that stopped me was knowing that if I killed myself that would be letting him win, and my family would think it was because of the divorce, not the infertility." 

He nodded, wrapping his arms around her. He wasn't sure why she was telling him this. Maybe she just needed to tell _someone_ about it. "He's a fucking bastard, and I swear to god if I ever get my hands on him I'll kill him." 

She looked up at him then. "Don't you dare do that. The last thing I want is the only guy who wants to fuck me going to jail." she said, only half joking. 

He chuckled, embracing her effort to lighten the mood. "I still don't think I'm the only one. You looked sexy in that lingerie, any man who saw you in that would definitely want you." 

She moved out of his arms, feeling bad that in addition to getting the bed all wet she was soaking his chest with her hair. "Yeah, well the only other guy who saw me in that left." 

He looked over at her in disbelief. "What? No, really?!?" 

She nodded. "Yeah. He got this...this disgusted look in his eyes when I turned around. I always warn them about the scars, but they're still so surprised. He said he hadn't been looking for something that complicated, said he couldn't fuck me with me looking like that. Then he left." 

"Asshole. Didn't deserve to see you in it anyway." No wonder she'd looked so nervous and kept asking if he was just saying she looked good. 

"If you say so." She knew it was cause of her ugliness, but it was sweet of him to act like it had been the man's fault. 

"I do." Then a thought occurred to him. "Did you cum?" 

"No." 

"Want me to remedy that? I could go down on you." 

She looked at him strangely. "You just came in me, you'd be tasting your own cum." 

"That's not an issue for me." Hopefully she wouldn't think that's gross. 

"That's a sweet offer, but honestly...I'm way too emotionally drained right now to have an orgasm." 

He nodded, and they fell into silence. Strangely, it wasn't awkward for Luke, laying in bed with someone he knew nothing about other than a little of the abuse she'd suffered. It was really great, being able to have sex with someone you didn't have to commit to (and she didn't mind not getting off, which was nice). 

"You want me to stay over or no?" He hoped the answer was yes. He could hear the rain start to come down, and by her clock on the bedside table it was 11:30. He really didn't want to get dressed and drive home in the rain. 

"You can if you want. Don't have anymore eggs for breakfast though so you'll have to make due with toast." One more night of someone in her bed to help stave off the aching loneliness was fine by her. 

"Or we could go out to eat." 

She looked at him. "If we do, you're paying. Antiques aren't exactly a thriving business and I'm struggling to pay rent as it is." 

"Okay, I'm paying." 

"Good." She yawned, turning onto her stomach and pulling the blanket up to her chin, before remembering how he'd rolled on top of her last night. "Shit. What's the safest position for me to sleep in? Just cause I don't want you smothering me when you cover me in your sleep." 

"I probably wouldn't smother you but just to be safe, on your back." 

She nodded, turning over. "Have you always slept like that when someone's in bed with you?" 

"Yep. Drove my sisters insane when I was I was like 8 and we had to share a bed at a hotel." He smiled at the memory. "Cleophas moved to the couch before we'd even fallen asleep, and Amatis woke up around midnight screaming "Mom, Luke is crushing me!" and I wasn't. I was an average sized 8 year old, she's 2 years older than me and at that point was taller. She just wanted to be dramatic." 

Joss nodded, smiling at the story. "Who's the oldest?"

"Amatis, then me, and Cleo's the baby. We're all 2 years apart from each other. Well, technically Amatis is 4 years older than Cleo, but you get what I mean. What about you, do you have any siblings?"

"No, I'm an only child." 

He looked over at her, smirking. "You know, that explains _so much_. No wonder you're so bossy in bed." he teased. 

She smacked his chest lightly, smiling a bit. "Oh don't act like you don't love it." 

"Yeah, I do." he admitted, moving a bit closer to her. "You just naturally this bossy or is this a new thing?" He couldn't imagine that sitting well with Valentine, going off what little he knew about him. 

Jocelyn thought about it, unsure. "Well...yes and no. I've always...well, I dunno, I always wanted to kind of have a semblance of control in the bedroom, and then I married Valentine and that didn't happen." She'd already used his first name once, might as well continue it. "And then after...that just kind of amplified. Now it's more like I _need_ to have that control to feel safe, to feel comfortable." She paused, unsure whether to tell him but decided that it was something he _did_ need to know. "This is the first time I've really been this open with what I want, and what I want you to do." 

He nodded. "That's a good thing. I want you to be open with me in what you want, more fun that way." In addition to being sexy as hell. 

"Good, glad we're on the same page." She looked at him closer, studying his face. She'd never get over how beautiful he is, and why someone that beautiful would want to touch _her_. She wasn't going to question it, for some reason right now he wanted her and she was going to enjoy it. "God...you're so beautiful. You're so goddamn beautiful." She reached over and ran her hand over his jaw. She liked feeling the scratch of his beard against her thighs, added a whole other layer of sensation to the pleasure. 

Luke couldn't help blushing at that, feeling his cheeks grow hot and she was just looking at him with such disbelief, like she couldn't believe he was really here. 

She smiled when he started blushing at her words, leaning forward and kissing his forehead lightly. "You're very cute when you blush." 

"How can you even tell? Not like I really change color that much." 

"You do, a little. And you get this look on your face when you blush, and you can't look me in the eyes." 

He was surprised she'd noticed that much. "Oh. Well so do you." He smiled when his words made her blush and duck her head. 

"Am not. Blushing with red hair is so ugly. Makes my face match my hair and I hate it." _'I hardly ever blushed before I met you. Stupid man, saying such sweet things to me and being so fucking nice'_

"Well I think it's cute." 

"Thanks." She smirked, looking at him. "So...at the party, when you said Poe's "the total package"...I'm assuming you didn't say that to appeal to my obvious crush on him." 

He blushed, keeping his eyes on the ceiling before looking at her once his face was cooled down. "Nope, I was saying it for me. I was kinda worried you'd pick up on that." 

"I did, assumed you meant it in a straight guy way, some weird tactic to get in my pants." 

"Yeah I didn't mean it in a straight guy way. You're not the only one with a crush on Poe." 

"Can't blame you, he's hot as fuck and super nice. Honestly, what's so attractive to me is how _genuinely_ nice he is. He's not being nice to get something in return, that's how he _is_." 

"Yeah, I love that. And he has nice hands." 

"Yeah, really nice hands." She looked at him. "What is it with you and hands? You got a hand kink or something?" 

"Yeah. That weird?" 

"Nah, me too." She was relieved she wasn't alone in her appreciation of nice hands, she'd been worried it was freaky or something. 

"Do you think I have nice hands? Be honest." He hoped she did. He really liked her hands, _god_ they were so pretty (and not just when wrapped around his dick). 

She grabbed his right hand, pretending to study it (really she wanted an excuse to look at it up close). She ran her fingers over his hand, palm facing her. His fingers were the nice kind of thick, the kind that'd probably feel amazing inside her and his hand was so big compared to hers, his fingers were so long and she liked that he kept his nails groomed, there wasn't any dirt or anything under them. And they felt _amazing_ on her breasts and her hips and really everywhere (she didn't mind that she'd definitely have bruises from where he'd gripped her so hard). 

Luke let her look at his hand, smiling a bit when she held her palm up to his, sizing them up and then clasping his hand in hers. 

"Yeah. Yeah, they're real nice." but she wasn't looking at him, eyes still on their clasped hands and it felt nice, kind of, holding her hand in his. 

After a few minutes she let go, looking at him, seeing him smiling at her. "Mmm...you have a real nice smile too. Nice everything, really." 

"Thanks." He couldn't return the compliment because of her scars, their ugliness standing out. He didn't mind the scars because she's a good fuck and other than them, gorgeous. But he couldn't bring himself to call them beautiful. 

She yawned, reaching over and pulling the cord to turn off the light, closing her eyes. "Night." 

"Night." He closed his eyes, listening to her breathing and the pitter-patter of rain on the window in the corner on her side of the bed, falling asleep fairly quickly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...I'm probably the only one who wanted this to go on, but I really like this situation for these characters, so here. Also I changed the work title as the other one was too wordy for an ongoing fic title.


	3. becoming friends (sort of)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was easily one of the best mornings either of them have had in a long time.

Jocelyn groaned, feeling Luke's weight half on top of her as she woke up. It wasn't that much of a shock now, though she'd been a little scared when she'd still been half asleep. It didn't feel bad, it was just...strange. She wasn't used to someone just laying on top of her so innocently like this (and she imagined it said a lot about his character that he wasn't putting all of his weight on her). However, as not-terrible as it was, there was the problem of her bladder. She started shoving him, trying to wake him up.

"Luke, Luke wake up!" She didn't bother whispering, speaking right into his ear in a regular tone and shoving his shoulders hard. He woke up after a few minutes, groaning.

"Jesus woman, I'm up! Don't have to be so harsh about it." he complained, rolling off of her.

Jocelyn wasted no time dashing to the bathroom, sighing in relief when she could finally empty her bladder.

Luke yawned, glancing over at the bedside clock. _'6:50. Might as well get up'_ he reasoned, getting out of bed. He went down the hall to the bathroom, knocking on the doorframe (she'd left the door open).

"Mind if I shower?"

"Only if I can join you." Joss said as she washed her hands, and looked over at him to see his eyebrows raise. "Not like that! I was going to take a shower too, and we might as well take the same damn shower to save time."

"Okay okay, jeez. You're touchy in the morning."

"Haven't had coffee yet." was her reply, turning on the water and moving the dial to warm. Her shower wasn't tiny, but it wasn't huge either. It'd probably fit them both, though not comfortably. 

She stuck her hand under after a few minutes, going in when she felt that the water was warm and he joined her. 

"You stand behind me, I get to wash my hair first." She gently pushed him behind her so she could get the full blast of the spray.

"Why?"

"I have more of it and it's my goddamn shower."

He looked down at her, moving his head out of range of the spray. "I could wash it for you."

She thought about it. "Sure, okay." She moved out of the way of the spray, handing him the shampoo, and he got to work lathering it in her hair. She bit her lip to hold back a moan and _fuck_ , him rubbing shampoo into her hair should not be turning her on.

They stood in silence as he made sure to get the shampoo thoroughly in her hair, and she washed it out, then the process was repeated for conditioner.

"Thanks." She'd never had someone offer to do that for her before, it was nice. 

"Welcome." He grabbed a washcloth hanging on the shower. "I could wash the rest of you if you want?" 

She turned around, looking up at him. "That an excuse to cop a feel? Cause if you remember that's one of my rules: no touching me when I can't see your face."

He blushed, looking up and waiting for the blush to go away. "Well now it isn't." he joked, meeting her eyes. "But seriously, nothing sexy, I just wanted to do something nice."

"And you're not doing this cause you feel you have to?" Maybe this was some weird thank you for sex or something.

"No, I'm not." He didn't understand why she'd think that, was she so unused to people doing things for her just cause they wanted to? "Okay, new rule: we don't bullshit each other."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning, no saying what the other person wants to hear, no lying about our feelings, sex related or otherwise, and no doing things we don't want to do just to please the other person. That way, when I offer to do stuff you'll know I really want to do it."

She nodded, liking this idea. "Okay, seems fair."

"Good." He ran the washcloth under the water, grabbing the body wash. "So, may I wash your body?"

"As long as you don't do anything sexual, yeah. And I have to be facing you." The last person who'd washed her body was Valentine after the scarring, and it seemed like it was time to change that.

"Deal." He squirted the body wash on the washcloth and decided to start at her face. "Close your eyes, please? I don't want to get soap in them."

She nodded, hesitating for a second before closing her eyes, reminding herself that it wouldn't make sense for him to take her body when she was clearly willing to give it to him.

He carefully washed her face, slowly working his way down from her forehead, to her nose out to her cheeks, doing one side at a time. The fact that she was willing to trust him this much was humbling for him, and he wasn't about to do anything that would make her doubt he deserved that trust.

"You can open your eyes now." he said quietly, moving the washcloth down the front of her neck. "Okay so far?" He didn't want to accidentally overstep bounds. 

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll tell you when I'm not." It was sweet of him to check in on her and see if she was okay.

He nodded, and continued his way down, stopping just before getting to her breasts. "Do you want me to skip them?" She'd said not to make it sexual and he's not sure how he could do this without making it at least a little sexual.

"No. Just wash them like any other body part, no need to get weird about it." It was stupid and made no logical sense to her, but she _needed_ him to wash her breasts and her thighs and just...clean her. Wash off what was left of Valentine (even though that was ridiculous, he hadn't touched her in decades...and yet it still felt like his hands were all over her sometimes).

He nodded, moving the washcloth down between her breasts, washing that blasted signature first, being very gentle. He hated her scars and wished she didn't have them, but he could never be rough with her, she'd clearly had enough of that kind of treatment. _'She'd be so fucking gorgeous without her scars'_ he thought, then hated himself for thinking it. It wasn't her fault, and she has such low self esteem as it is.

It wasn't that she was _ugly_ , she wasn't. The non-scarred parts of her body were beautiful, it was just the scars marring her body that ruined her full potential for beauty.  
He made sure to be gentle washing her breasts, careful not to be rough with her or make it sexual, just keep it innocent (as innocent as washing the breasts of the woman you fucked two nights in a row can be).

Joss stood very still as he washed her breasts, his eyes focused on them and she could _tell_ he was thinking about her scars. She didn't understand why someone so utterly physically beautiful could stand to touch her, let alone fuck her, but for some reason he could, and she was incredibly grateful for that. She intended not to waste a single moment (because eventually he'd find someone he wants to be with, and this would end).

"Do you want me to kneel for better access?" he asked, meeting her eyes as he moved to her stomach, and _oh_ she really wanted him to kneel. She wanted him to kneel and wash her lower half as gently as he had done her upper half.

"Yes. If that's okay with you."

"Hey, we have the no bullshit rule. I wouldn't have offered if I didn't want to." he reminded her, kneeling so he could wash her stomach better. He was _so_ tempted to suck on the skin above her navel but she'd said she didn't want it to be sexual so he'd respect that. He worked his way down her stomach, paying extra attention to that fucking awful scar near her waist (he really wished this one didn't exist), before going down to her thighs, glad when she widened her stance to give him better access.

Joss could feel herself getting turned on (hell, it had been building since he'd started this but now he was _on his knees_ in front of her and she needs his fingers inside her), leaning towards him when he started washing her thighs. She reached down, tapping his shoulder and causing him to look up at her. "I changed my mind about not wanting it to be sexual."

 _'Oh thank god'_ thought Luke, immediately dropping the washcloth. It had been torture to slowly wash her inner thighs and not do anything to her. "Mouth or hands?" 

"Hands. But only if you want to."

"I wouldn't have offered if I didn't want to." he reminded her.

He sat back on his knees and ran his hand up her inner thigh, and without the barrier of the washcloth he could truly appreciate her body. Her scars looked ugly, but strangely enough they didn't _feel_ ugly, adding an entirely different texture to her skin. He traced the initials inches from her center with his thumb, wishing he could erase them before moving up, slipping his middle inside of her, not even bothering to tease her.

She watched as he moved his hand up her thigh, tracing Valentine's initials with his thumb gently, studying it and she was glad he wasn't clawing at the letters (if she were him, she would have). She gasped when he slipped his finger inside her, leaning forward and grabbing his shoulders for balance, unable to resist grinding into his hand. "Oh my god I was right, I was so fucking right." she moaned as he started slowly moving his finger in and out of her.

"Right about what?" he asked, not looking away from his task.

"That your fingers would feel fucking _amazing_ inside me."

That was not what he'd expected to hear, but very flattering and welcome nonetheless. "Do you want me to try another one or is this good?"

"Try another one." They can't be thicker than his dick, she's pretty sure she can take it.

He nodded, slipping his ring finger in, letting it rest inside her for a few moments so she could adjust to it before continuing his movements at a faster pace.

Joss moaned softly, leaning down and sucking on his neck as he slipped a second finger into her, gripping his shoulders hard with her nails and he was so _good_ with his hands, oh my god. She felt she had to do something to thank him as she kissed as much of his neck as she could, sucking and biting every once in a while. 

He moaned when she started sucking on the back of his neck, moving his fingers faster inside of her. He felt her fluids dripping down his arm and moved his mouth down to lick it off, feeling her start to clench around his fingers.

She gripped his shoulders harder, moaning into his neck as her legs started to shake, her grip on his shoulders being the only reason she stayed standing. She could hardly fucking breath, gasping as she shook against him, biting his neck to quiet her moans. She was never going to get used to having orgasms by another person's doing; they felt more...intense, than when she got herself off. Like the mere fact that someone else was touching her, that someone _wanted_ to touch her, heightened all of her senses and made the orgasm so much better.

He slipped his fingers out of her as she calmed down, sucking them clean as she sank to the floor.

She moaned when she saw him clean his fingers, grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him down off his knees to kiss him.

He kissed her back, hands going to her waist. He broke the kiss after a few moments, breathing heavily, meeting her eyes. "How was that for you?"

"Amazing. You're _really_ good at that."

"Are you just saying that because you don't have anything to compare it to?"

She blushed, ducking her head. "Yeah. Sorry. I really did think it was amazing though."

"No, don't apologize. I'm glad you enjoyed it, really doesn't matter that that was the first time you've experienced it." He hated that she didn't know what it was like to experience pleasure at the hands of other people. 

She nodded, then looked down at his erection. "Want me to get you off?" 

"Yeah. Hands, please." He settled himself as comfortably as he could on the shower floor, leaning back against the wall, watching as she moved out of the spray. She leaned over him as best as she could while grabbing him. He watched as she moved her hand up and down, and the fact that he could see her movements more clearly than he had in his car made it all the more erotic.

He moaned, bucking into her hand, and then suddenly she was kissing him and _oh_ , this was nice. She slipped her tongue in his mouth, moaning as she kept up a steady pace, and he reached up to grip the back of her neck, his other hand falling to the curve of her waist. The water washing over them, drenching them as they kissed only added to the experience in his mind. He didn't even try to hold out his orgasm this time, letting himself cum after a few minutes, the water washing away the mess. She took her hand away and stopped kissing him when his body stopped shaking, and he let go of her neck to let her move. He kept his eyes closed as he caught his breath, and when he opened them he saw her staring at him.

"What?"

"Nothing...you just looked really peaceful." She stood up, turning off the water. "We should probably go get breakfast now."

"Right, yeah." He'd almost forgotten about that. 

She stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel and quickly wrapping it around herself, handing him one before going into the bedroom. He walked in just as she dropped hers, opening her drawers and getting dressed. He quickly turned away to give her privacy, dropping his towel and pulling on his uniform. She took both of the towels back into the bathroom, hanging them up to dry before blowdrying her hair.

He went out to the kitchen, taking the opportunity to look around. The clock on her stove said 7:45, which surprised him as he hadn't thought they'd been in the shower for that long.

Joss came out, brushing her hair as she walked, and Luke tried to subtly give her a once over. He noticed she tended to dress for comfort more than fashion, jeans and loose-fitting shirts being most common. She looked nice in them, and he understood why she dressed so modestly but he couldn't help but wonder if her scars were the only reason she dressed like that. 

"That your uniform?" she asked, returning his obvious once-over with one of her own. He looked _really_ nice in it.

"Yeah. Why, does it look weird?"

"Absolutely not. You look really good." She wasn't aware that uniforms were that form fitting, or at least his was. Not that she was complaining.

"Thanks." He walked up to her, hands falling to her waist. "So do you." 

She smiled, trying very hard not to blush but failing miserably. "Thanks." She grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him down for a kiss. He responded eagerly, swiping his tongue across her bottom lip, a bit disappointed when she stepped back.

"Breakfast, remember?" she reminded him, grabbing her purse from the counter and leading him towards the door, getting some shoes from the shoe closet for her to wear.

He put his shoes and socks on, pulling his coat on then helping her with hers (not that she needed help, he just wanted to). 

"Thanks." She smiled at him briefly, grabbing his hand and pulling him out of her apartment, locking the door behind her. 

"So, know any places around here that has good breakfast?" he asked once they were in the elevator.

"Um, yeah I think so. There's this bistro that has good breakfast food, least I think so." She didn't eat there often but the food was good from what she remembered.

"Okay then, we'll go there." 

Joss led them down the sidewalk a few blocks to the restaurant, letting Luke give his name for the table and thankfully it wasn't that packed so they got a table pretty quickly, ordering coffee as soon as they sat down.

"So, Garroway huh?" She sat down across from him, smiling.

"Yeah, I know, pretty weird name."

"I don't think it's weird." She took out her phone, ready to update her contact for him. "How do you spell it?"

"G-A-R-R-O-W-A-Y."

"Thought so, wasn't sure on the double Rs though." She typed it into her phone, then pulled up the camera. "Mind if I get a contact photo?"

"Sure. Want me to smile or look serious?"

"Smile."

"Teeth or no teeth?"

"Teeth."

She snapped the picture, putting it into her contacts. "You're really photogenic."

"Thanks." He blushed a bit at that, looking down.

"Want one for me?" she asked as she put her phone back in her purse.

"Sure. You can just, make whatever face you want." He took out his phone, smiling when she smiled back at him, showing a little teeth.

"Beautiful." he complimented, glad when he made her blush. "So what's your last name? You don't have to tell me."

"No, it's fine. I'm Jocelyn Fray, spelled how it sounds."

"Wish my last name was as short as yours, it's a pain when I'm signing reports." He updated her contacts with the photo and her last name, putting his phone away.

"Really? Luke Garroway doesn't sound like that much of a hassle to write."

"No, but Lucian Garroway is." She might as well know his full name, she'd find out eventually.

She grinned, leaning forward. "Lucian? That's your full name?"

"Yeah, I know it's stupid. Got called Lucy a lot when I was younger before I got my growth spurt."

"No, it's not stupid at all. Sounds really nice, actually. Very sexy."

His eyes widened at that, smiling as he leaned forward. "Really? You think it's sexy?"

She nodded. "Rolls off the tongue really well too." She wondered if he'd mind if she called him that in bed.

"Glad you think so." His eyes dropped to her lips. "Can I kiss you?" he whispered, wetting his lips.

She nodded, kissing back when he leaned forward a few inches, kissing her gently and she loved the way he kissed her. It didn't feel like he was claiming her or marking his property. 

After a few moments she remembered that they were in public and leaned back, breaking the kiss, glad when their coffee came a few minutes later.

"Know what you want to order?" asked the waitress, and Joss quickly scanned over the menu. 

"Um, I'll have an omelet with spinach and green peppers, no cheese."

She nodded, writing it down before turning to Luke. "And you?"

"I'll have the same."

Once the waitress left with their order, Luke looked at Joss. "So um, there's something I've been meaning to ask you."

Oh no, that was never good. "What?"

He saw the worried look on her face, quickly clarifying "Nothing bad." He sighed, debating how to get this out as sensitively as possible. "Would you be more comfortable if I wore a condom from now on?"

Joss furrowed her brow, confused. "Why? Not like there's any reason for you to."

"I know, but...you clearly have a lot of issues with your infertility, which isn't a bad thing, I just don't want you to be in any emotional distress when we're having sex." Really takes the sexy out of it, and he hated it when women cried, he never really knew what to do to comfort them.

She nodded, debating her options. If he did use a condom, the sex wouldn't feel as good for him, but he wouldn't have offered to wear one if he didn't mind it. She wasn't even sure if him wearing a condom would help her not feel that wave of longing and anger and pain at the reminder of never being able to have children. "How about we try it, and if it doesn't help you can go back to not wearing one."

"Okay, sounds good to me." He'd have to get condoms on the way home, but that was fine with him.

She nodded, putting cream in her coffee and sipping it. 

He sipped his coffee, watching her. He noticed she was kind of closed off in public, didn't really show a lot of what she was feeling. He wasn't sure if it was a side effect of the abuse or if she'd always been like that. "So how long have you lived in New York?" 

"Um...about 18 years? Yeah, I think that's right. What about you?" If she had to guess, he wasn't an NY native.

"All my life. We moved here when I wasn't even 1 yet, used to live in Maine."

And she was wrong. Figures, she'd never been good at guesses like that. "Cool. Must've been nice growing up here." She'd liked California, but it was always so hot and dry (and now, held too many bad memories)

"Yeah, it was. The winters were hell though."

"I bet. My first winter here I was not prepared at all." She'd been staying in a women's shelter at the time until she made enough money selling paintings to rent an apartment (not her current one. Her first one had been a dump).

"You're from Cali right? That must have been a shock."

"Mmhmm. Not fun at all. It was really cold and the heat stopped working at some point." She didn't mention the shelter part, didn't want him to think less of her. Her gaze dropped to his uniform. "So, what made you want to be a cop?"

He sipped his coffee, pondering the question. "Well, I majored in social work in college and wanted to go into law enforcement, mainly cause that seemed the area I could do the best in. And I liked the idea of being able to protect people."

"Sounds like you." From what little she knew of Luke, he seemed like a protective guy. "So um...shit, you probably get this question all the time, have you ever-"

"Shot someone?" She nodded, relieved he didn't look offended. "No, and hopefully I'll never have to. I mean I will if there is no other option and lives are at stake, but generally I try the non-violent approach." He sipped his coffee, wanting to get the topic off his job as soon as possible. "So what about you? What made you want to start an antique shop?"

Joss finished off her coffee, setting the cup down and refilling it with the pot the waitress had left on the table. "Honestly, I got into it after it became obvious that I couldn't make a living off selling paintings. I saved up enough to buy the shop and started selling antiques I got at flea markets. Course when I started I didn't realize how hard it would be to authenticate antiques from fakes, but now I've gotten pretty good at it." 

"That's really interesting. And if you don't mind me asking, why didn't you just apply for a regular job?"

Shit. She'd been hoping he wouldn't ask that. "I only did one semester of college, and it's hard to find a job that doesn't require at least a bachelors." 

"Why'd you only do one semester?" he asked, curious.

"After I got married, Val insisted I drop out, said I should be at home. Now I think he just didn't want me living away from him cause I might realize how fucked up the relationship was. And, I was 19, he was my husband and I figured I should listen to him, so I dropped out. Really regretted that decision after I left him."

"How'd your parents feel about it?"

"They were pissed, cause I'd been getting good grades and doing really well. Course, I told them about the abuse after a year of living here and they understood why I quit."

"Ah. Do they know about the..." he trailed off, motioning at his chest.

"Only scar they know about is the laparoscopy. Broke my mom's heart, she kept going on about grandkids and that was hard for me to hear."

"Sounds like it. You still in touch?"

"Yeah, they come up for the holidays when they can, I call every once in a while. Learned from them that he left Cali after the divorce, which of course he would cause he wouldn't want to be there when my parents found out."

Luke resisted the urge to ask if she knew where he was now. If he were in her position, he wouldn't want to know. "That's good."

"What about you? You close with your parents?" It was only fair that he give her a bit of info about his family, she thought.

"Kind of? My parents got divorced when I was 15, and holidays are always awkward cause mom insists we still get together like a family. They both still live in New York. I'm close with my sisters though."

"You have 2 sisters, right?" 

"Yeah; Amatis is two years older than me and Cleo is two years younger. We've always been pretty close. I mean, they don't know about the whole, um...", he lowered his voice instinctively, leaning closer to her "bi thing." He leaned back, still keeping his voice down. "No one in my family does."

"Why?" She hoped for his sake it wasn't cause they wouldn't accept him.

"It just...it would make things weird, maybe cause drama and we have enough of that with our parents. Not worth it." He's not really sure how his family would react to be honest, and he's way past the age where he feels he has to come out to anyone.

"So what did you do when you had boyfriends?"

"Nothing. You'd be surprised at what lengths people will go to to assume everything's straight."

She nodded. That made sense, after all it's what she'd done. Their food came a few moments later and they ate in silence.

She finished eating before him and sipped her coffee, watching him eat (hopefully that wasn't creepy, there wasn't anywhere else to look).

"Wait, are you left handed?" She noticed he was using his fork with his left hand, and how had she not noticed this before?

He stopped eating, looking up. "Yeah. Why, you left handed?"

"No, I just didn't notice that before."

He nodded in acknowledgement, and went back to finishing his meal, paying the check when it came.

"So, how far is your shop from here?" he asked as they exited the restaurant. Maybe he could walk her there.

"Um, it's a few streets down actually, I usually take a cab."

"Oh. Well I could drive you if you want, save you the money."

"That'd be great, thanks." They walked back to her building together, going to the parking lot and she climbed into the passenger seat when he unlocked the car.

He started down the road and she gave him directions to her shop, climbing out as soon as he parked.

"Thanks for the ride." she said as she shut the door.

"Welcome, have a good day."

"You too." She waved and gave him a smile before going to her shop and unlocking it. He waited until she turned the lights on to leave, and seeing it was 9:05 he had almost an hour to kill before work, so he figured might as well pick up some condoms. Hopefully Joss would want to see him again soon.


	4. wedding date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Technically, it _is_ his fault for procrastinating // or, Luke needs a date to Amatis' wedding, and goes with the most convenient option.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for mentions of self harm and past abuse. I'm so sorry for not updating sooner! I've been tinkering with this chapter for a couple weeks (the first few drafts had wildly different endings) and I'm still not sure if I'm satisfied with it so any comments or criticism (if it doesn't make sense, ect) is welcome.

Relaxing after work was supposed to be, well, relaxing, wasn't it? That was the whole point, and it was relaxing to an extent, but it was also _incredibly_ boring.

It had been about 2 weeks since Luke had seen Joss, he would have called her up but wasn't sure if he was allowed to ask her for sex yet. He didn't even _want_ to have sex right now, he just wanted someone to talk to. 

As if on cue, his phone rang, and he grabbed it off the coffee table. Quickly pushing aside his initial disappointment that Amatis rather than Jocelyn was calling him, he answered with a "Hey, what's up?"

"Nothing much, typical wedding-planning hell." Amatis said, sounding very Done with the whole affair. 

"Ah. Stephen not helping out?" He better be helping out. Luke liked Stephen, but sometimes he could be clueless when it came to people wanting his help.

"Of course he is, he's helping me with the seating arrangements." Luke could practically see her rolling her eyes, and smiled a bit.

"Good. Make sure to put mom and dad at opposite ends of the room." Last thing they needed was more parental drama.

"Already done. I actually called to see if you had your plus one yet, I wanted to get her name down."

He groaned, shaking his head. He _really_ regretted checking plus one on the invite, he's never going to assume he'll have a date for anything ever again. "No, I don't."

He heard her sigh into the phone, and braced himself for her chewing him out.

"Really, Lucian? My wedding's in August, I sent the damn invites out in fucking November, you've had 7 months to find a date! It can't be that hard!" she snapped.

"I know, I'm sorry. I've just been really busy lately with work, haven't gotten out much." Other than that Star Wars party, at least.

"Well try and find a date, I don't want a random empty seat at my wedding. Is there anyone you would want to go with? Someone from work maybe?"

He cringed at the work option, that would just be awkward. His first thought was Jocelyn, if only because of the awesome hotel sex. "Yeah, maybe."

That caught Amatis' attention. "Really? What's her name, what's she like?"

"Jocelyn. She's...I don't know, she's really cool."

"Seriously, that's all you're gonna give me? It's been like 5 years since you've had a girlfriend, I need more details! Is she pretty? What does she look like? How'd you meet?"

"Well um, she's not exactly my girlfriend, it's more of a friends-with-benefits relationship. We met at a Star Wars party, literally bumped into each other."

"Of course you did, nerd. Who did you go as?" If she knew her brother, he wouldn't go as the obvious choice. He was his own weird brand of hipster (though he'd deny it).

"Poe. Everyone thought I was Finn though, Joss was the only one who got it. Then we started talking and went back to her place..."

"You had sex with her _the night you met her_? You couldn't have taken her on a date first or something? Gotten her number, waited a day at least?"

"It wasn't like it was immediately. We talked, there was a mutual flirtation goin' on. She's the one that suggested going back to her place." Really, his own _sister_ was slut shaming him? Wait, can guys _be_ slut shamed? He's not sure.

"Relax, I was joking. I _really_ don't care how soon you have sex." Her little brother banging some random the night he met her was surprising but mainly gross. "What's she look like?"

"Um...she's a redhead, and yes it's her natural hair color. She's not that tiny, I mean, she is compared to me but she's tall compared to other people."

"Of course you'd notice her height, weirdo." Luke'd always been hyperaware of how tall he is, so for some reason he made a habit of noticing when other people are taller than average. "And a natural redhead, huh? That'll be interesting, black babies with red hair." she teased, hoping she'd get him flustered; it was always fun to make him stutter and backtrack.

Luke sucked in a breath, debating whether to tell her about Joss' infertility. It would save her the baby comments later if she said yes to being his date, but...it wasn't his news to share.

When Luke didn't respond immediately, Amatis winced, worried she'd crossed a line with her teasing. "Luke? Hey, sorry about the baby thing, you can take this as slow as you want with her. I'm glad you've found someone who makes you happy, you deserve it."

"Thanks. Just, um, maybe not mention babies. It's really just physical right now, that's all it is. I don't want you freaking her out."

"Okay, I won't. Can't promise mom won't though." Those would be some interesting-looking kids, especially if they took after their parents height-wise (if Luke was being accurate about her height, that is).

"Yeah, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Does mom want to meet up before the wedding or no?" He wanted to get the conversation off of babies as soon as possible.

"Yeah. The plan is to meet up at her place the Sunday before the wedding, just us, Cleo, dad, Stephen, and maybe this mysterious Jocelyn woman if you end up asking her. Oh, and dad might bring his new girlfriend." She wasn't sure if Luke knew about her yet.

"Dad has a girlfriend?" This was the first he'd heard of it. Well, this would make the wedding more interesting.

"Yep, name's Victoria. Thankfully she's his age this time, they've been dating a couple of months, least that's what he told me." Hopefully he wasn't stupid enough to bring her to the family dinner, they'd have enough passive aggressive comments without her there.

"What's she like?" 

"Don't know, haven't met her yet. She makes dad happy though. Hopefully this is the one that sticks." She really didn't want him going back to dating younger women, it was kind of creepy. 

"Me too. Maybe try and convince him not to bring her to the family dinner? We don't need more reasons for mom to get passive aggressive."

"Got that right, I'll try my best. Oh, and please tell me Jocelyn is your age, I don't want _you_ going through some midlife crisis and dating a twenty-something." She shuddered at the thought. He should start thinking of settling down, having kids, not having any midlife crisis.

"Don't worry, she's around my age. No midlife crisis here."

"Good, you should be focused on settling down anyway." Amatis jumped when she felt Stephen start kissing the back of her neck, pulling her closer to him on the couch. "But yeah, call me if you're taking her, I'll put her next to you at the reception. You're sitting with mom and Cleo, okay?"

"Got it, I'll call you if I ask her."

"Great. Bye, love you." She quickly hung up the phone, putting it on the coffee table. She turned around, kissing her fiancé passionately on the lips before getting up and tugging him to the bedroom.

"Love you too." he said, but she'd already hung up. He sighed, scrolling through his contacts and stopping at Joss' name. Should he ask her now, or wait? _'No, I should do it now'_ he reasoned to himself, tapping her number.

* * *

Joss laid in bed on her back, naked from the waist down and breathing heavily, rubbing her fingers in circles over her clit. Not as good as Luke's anything, but it'd do. She wasn't sure if he wanted to fuck her again, he hadn't texted her at all in 2 weeks, which she didn't think was a good sign. She had her eyes closed, imagining that her fingers were his, that he was kissing her, _devouring_ her as he brought her closer to orgasm-

She groaned when her phone rang, sitting up and wiping her hand off with the tissues on her bedside table before grabbing it, eyes widening when she saw Luke's name pop up. She answered, not bothering to wait to catch her breath; he might not call back if she didn't answer. "Hey."

"Hey. Are you working out or something?" he asked, noticing how out of breath she sounded. If she was, he could call back later.

"Um, yeah, something like that. I just finished up though. So um, why'd you call?" She hoped it wasn't just for sex. Yeah, that was what they mainly did together, but it would be nice if he thought of her as more than just a warm body.

"I wanted to talk. Nothing bad, I promise." he clarified so she wouldn't get nervous. "Um, could I come over? I'd feel more comfortable if we could talk in person." And he wanted to see her again. Kiss her, and maybe if he was lucky, have sex after they talked.

She winced, starting to get nervous. He'd said it was nothing bad, but the fact that he wanted to talk in person said otherwise. And she really didn't want her nosy neighbors (mainly Pamela) getting more information to misread and gossip about; why she was the chosen target of gossip, she didn't know. "Um, would it be okay if I could come to you? Just because my neighbors like to gossip and I really don't want to deal with that shit anymore than I have to."

Crap, he might get the wrong idea, think she's embarrassed of him or something. "Not that I'm embarrassed about you or us or anything, I just had more than my share through the rumor mill back home and I don't want that here." She paused, biting her lip nervously. "Is that okay?"

"Yeah, that's fine, I understand. I'll text you my address. Do you have a way to get here?"

"I'll take a cab. Want me to give them your address or just the street number and I can walk the rest of the way?" 

"No, you can give them my address." His house was on the far end of the street, and the sun about to go down, he didn't want her to put herself at any risk by walking. Not that she would be, it was a relatively safe neighborhood, but it's always better to be safe.

"Okay, will do. See you soon." She hung up and got Luke's address a few minutes later.

After texting her the address, he got up from the couch and headed up to his bedroom, changing into a cleaner shirt and his nicer pair of comfy pants (meaning the ones that required a belt). "Now I just gotta make this place look nicer." he said himself, going back downstairs.

Jocelyn got up from the bed, pulling her sleeping shirt off and dumping it in a drawer. _'Should I shower? I don't want to smell bad. Maybe a quick one just for a once over'_ She grabbed her phone from the nightstand, taking it into the bathroom with her and setting an alarm for 10 minutes. She hopped into the shower once the water had warmed up, spending most of that time shaving.

After she got out and dried off, she got to work on picking an outfit. She wanted to look nice, but not like she was trying too hard, so lingerie was out. She opted for a standard black bra and underwear, that looked normal enough, pulling on some jeans and a grey ruffled tank top, brushing her hair and putting on a little bit of lipstick, not bothering to do the rest of her face.

Luke was trying to decide if he should leave red wine out or not. He didn't want her to feel like she _had_ to drink it, but he figured it would help relax the mood. His house was pretty clean thanks to Academy training really sticking, so he didn't have to worry about that. He debated leaving chips out but decided against it, leaving the wine on the kitchen counter and getting two wine glasses out. Now all he had to do was sit and wait.

Joss grabbed her purse from the counter, put her flats on and grabbed a jacket on the way out, locking up her apartment. She put her jacket on and called the cab company in the elevator, giving them the address to her apartment building. She waited outside for 5 minutes until the driver pulled up, quickly got in, and read off Luke's address from his text, after which she texted him

**_on my way, sorry it took so long_ **

Luke grabbed his phone from the counter when it started buzzing, smiling at her message before writing back

**_great! and it's no problem, i know how it is_ **

He hadn't expected her to get there really soon, her apartment was at least 30 minutes away from his house, and it was only 6:20, still early by evening standards.

Joss contemplated calling him but figured that would be pretty useless, she'd be at his place soon enough. She really hoped that what he wanted to tell her wasn't anything bad. She paid the driver as soon as the car stopped in front of Luke's house and took a deep breath before walking up to and knocking on the door. 

Luke got up and went over to the door, looking through the peephole first before opening it. "Hey. You look nice." 

"Thanks." She walked in, sliding her purse off her shoulder and putting it on his counter, looking around. "You have a really nice place." Way nicer than hers, just on the virtue that it wasn't an apartment. 

"Thanks. Do you want some wine?" He sat down on a stool at the kitchen counter, twisting the bottle to break the seal before pouring some into his glass.

She sat down next to him, unsure as to whether to take off her shoes or not. He was barefoot but it was his house. "Um, no thanks. I don't drink."

"Okay, that's fine. Is it okay if I have some?" He didn't want to make her uncomfortable.

"No, you can drink. So um, what did you want to talk about?" _'Please don't be anything bad'_

He took a sip of his wine, swallowing it before answering, seeing that she looked nervous. "You can always say no, but um...remember my older sister Amatis?"

She nodded, starting to calm down a bit. If this was about his sister, it couldn't be that bad. "Yeah, you've mentioned her once or twice."

"Right, well um, she's getting married in August and like an idiot I checked plus one on the invitation, so now she's getting on me about getting a date for her wedding and I was wondering if you could be my date?"

"You want me to be your date to your sister's wedding." she deadpanned, surprised at his question. Why would he want her to be his date? There are way better options out there.

"Yeah, I do. You don't have to, I just thought it would be fun to go with someone I like rather than a co-worker I don't know very well." He sipped his wine to calm his nerves, hoping she'd say yes, it would be nice having her there (and sharing a hotel room would be fun).

She raised her eyebrows, surprised. "You like me?" Oh wait no, that's not what he meant, he couldn't mean he actually _liked_ her. "You mean you like having sex with me."

Luke furrowed his brows, shaking his head and putting his glass down after finishing it off. "No, I mean I like _you_. Not that I don't like having sex with you, I do, but you're fun to talk to and I just, I like you."

"Oh. Well um, same to you." She didn't think she was very fun to talk to, she knows she's boring as hell, but for some reason he likes talking to her and being around her and that made her feel really nice. "So um, was that the only reason you called me over here? Cause you could have just asked me that over the phone."

"Yeah, but I wanted to see you."

"To have sex? You know you can ask me for sex if you want it, right?"

"I actually wasn't sure if I _was_ allowed, didn't want you to feel obligated."

"Why would I feel obligated?" She knew why she'd feel obligated, but she wanted to hear him say it. Make sure he knows how screwed up she is.

"Because you keep saying bullshit about how I'm the only guy who would want to fuck you, and it feels like you're always afraid I'll leave if you reject me. I don't want you to feel like you have to have sex with me, I only want to have sex with you if you want it too."

"You _are_ the only guy who wants to fuck me though. Seriously, every other guy I brought back to my place left cause I'm so fucking disgusting, but for some reason you don't mind how gross I am." He deserved way better than her.

"You're not disgusting, seriously you're not. You're really pretty, and to be honest your scars aren't that big of a deal, I don't mind them that much." 

Her eyes widened in surprise. "You don't?" There's no way he could really mean that; she had too many of them, she had another man's initials carved into her _skin_ for fuck's sake, he couldn't possibly mean that.

He locked eyes with her, smiling a little, hoping to help put her at ease. "No, I don't. I'll admit they're not nice to look at, but I don't mind them."

She wasn't sure what to think. He looked sincere, and she felt like he was telling the truth. He hadn't denied their ugliness so he couldn't be just trying to fuck her, and they _did_ have a no bullshit rule.

She nodded in acknowledgement, not knowing what to say in response to something like that. "So um, the wedding? If I were to agree to go as your date, would I have to meet your family?"

He embraced the change of topic, twisting the top back on the wine bottle before answering. "Yeah. Mom wants the family to get together at hers before the actual wedding, and family tends to include her and dad, me, Cleo if she can make it, Amatis, and her fiancé Stephen. And you, if you agree to be my date."

"Gotcha. Are your mom and dad big on grandkids? Will that come up?"

"Mom is really big on grandkids, dad to a lesser extent, so yeah it'll probably come up. I can warn them about your infertility if you want to avoid that."

"No, I can explain it myself if I have to. And um...have you told Amatis anything about me?" She hoped he hadn't, she didn't want to be cast as some poor abuse victim to his sister before she'd even met her.

"I only told her how we met, and that it was more physical than a dating thing. Didn't tell her anything about Valentine if that's what you were worried about." 

Joss immediately relaxed, the nervous feeling in her stomach going away. "Good, I don't want you telling anyone about that."

"I won't, it's not my place to tell." he assured her, shifting in his stool so he was facing her completely. "So...will you be my date to Amatis' wedding?" _'Please say yes'_

"Sure, why not. Could be fun." Meeting his family couldn't be the worst thing in the world. Hopefully they'd like her.

He couldn't hide his smile when she said yes. "Awesome! I'll pay for the hotel room, don't worry about that. It'll be fun."

"The wedding, or sharing a hotel room?" she teased, smiling back at him. They were getting into flirting territory, and she almost wanted him to just take her right here on the counter.

He smirked, leaning a little closer and lowering his voice a bit, keeping eye contact with her. "I was thinking more what we'd do in that hotel room."

"Really? And what were you planning on doing?" She leaned closer to him, eyes flicking to his lips then back to his eyes once or twice, keeping a few inches of distance between them.

"I have a lot of ideas...I think it would be easier just to show you." he replied, voice barely above a whisper now, leaning closer until their lips were inches apart.

"Yeah, I think it would." she whispered, leaning closer, watching his eyes close when she was a fingertips distance away from his lips. She pulled back entirely without kissing him, smiling at his confusion when he opened his eyes. 

"Oh, that is just _cruel_." But at the same time incredibly sexy, he hadn't figured her for someone who would tease him like that.

"No, _that_ would be leaving right now without letting you touch me." She got up off the stool, slipping her flats off and pushing them under it, moving away as he reached out for her arm. "Where's your bedroom? Upstairs?"

"Yeah, come on." He got up off the stool, leading the way up his stairs, keeping a few steps ahead of her so she couldn't touch him cause two could play at that game. Before he could open his bedroom door, she grabbed his arm, turning him around and pushing him up against it. Kissing him hard, she wrapped her arms around his neck, moaning into his mouth.

His hands fell to her waist as he kissed her back, slipping his tongue into her mouth when she granted him access. Then suddenly she broke it off, managing to get her mouth close to his ear. "I want us to undress each other, and then I want you to fuck me against the door." 

His eyes widened, surprised at her request; he hadn't thought tonight was going to be anything but a roll between the sheets, and yeah he hadn't had sex standing up in a while but he figured he could handle it. "Okay, sounds good to me." he murmured before leaning down to kiss her lightly on the lips, hands going to the hem of her shirt.

She made eye contact with him after breaking the kiss, holding her arms up as he pulled it over her head. He dropped it before reaching his arms around her back, fumbling with her bra for a few minutes before she pushed his arms away.

"Here, lemme do it." She pulled her bra over her head, dropping it on her shirt. "The strap is just there to adjust how tight it is." she explained, reaching for the bottom of his shirt.

"Oh." He bent his knees a little to make it easier on her as she pulled it over his head. 

"Thanks."

"Welcome." Once she'd let it drop, he reached for the button of her jeans, slowly popping it open. He smiled, pulling the zipper down notch by notch just to torture her, leaving her underwear on as he tugged her pants down, letting them drop to the floor once they were past her knees.

She stepped out of them, kicking them to the side before reaching for his belt and unbuckling it quickly, not bothering with continuing the teasing game they'd started. She made quick work of his pants, being mindful of the zipper before hooking her thumbs into the sides of his pants and boxers, pushing them down his legs and letting them fall to the ground once they were past his knees.

He stepped out of his pants and boxers, kicking them to the side before remembered he didn't have a condom on him. He pushed her hands away before she could touch him. "Wait, give me a sec, I'll be right back."

He opened the door and dashed into his room, grabbing a condom from the box on top of his dresser and rushed back out to her, closing the door behind him.

She was a little confused when he came rushing out with a condom, until she remembered he'd offered to wear one. "Can I touch you now?" 

"Please."

She stepped closer to him, backing him up so he was pressed against the door. "You okay with this?" she asked, looking up at him.

He raised an eyebrow, confused as to why she felt the need to ask. "You jerking me off, or us having sex? Cause it's yes to both. No bullshit rule, remember?"

"Just checking. And I was seeing it more as a getting-you-hard-deal, not so much the full thing. Unless you want that." If he did want that, she wouldn't love the mess but she'd deal with it.

"No, you getting me hard is fine. And for the record, if I wasn't comfortable with something I would tell you, as I hope you would if you didn't feel comfortable." 

"Right. Um, I can give you an "I'll try" on that. Best I can do for now."

"That works. Although, there is no-" he started, unable to resist the reference.

"You quote Yoda, sex is off the table." she said. 

He nodded. "Got it."

She glanced down, wrapping her hand loosely around the base, feeling the weight of him in her palm before tightening her grip. Slowly, she dragged her hand down.

He groaned, leaning his head back against the wall. Her grip was so tight it verged on painful. "Ow, ow. Loosen up a bit, that's too tight."

"Sorry." She loosened her grip up a fraction, watching for any signs of pain on his face. "That better?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Just um, if you could use your other hand and put it near the top, that would be great."

She let go of him, confused. "I'm going to need you to be more specific. What do you want me to do?" 

"Okay, um...I want you to put one hand right up at the root, and I want you to focus your other hand on the head. That make sense?" If it didn't he'd just show her.

"Um, I think so." She wrapped her left hand around the base, circling the other one around the head. "This what you wanted?"

"Yeah. Only grip the top a bit tighter, and you can just do whatever you think would feel good with the head."

"Okay." She tightened her grip, watching his reaction. He'd closed his eyes again, hopefully that's a good sign? "This feel good?"

"Yeah." he moaned, breathing hard.

She glanced down, wiped his precum up and smeared it over the tip, gently rolling it in her fingers.

He gasped, opening his eyes and instinctively thrusting into her hand. "Stop!"

She immediately let go of him, backing up to give him space. "Was I doing something wrong?"

He shook his head, trying to catch his breath. "No, um, I just wasn't gonna last much longer if you kept doing that."

"Oh."

"So, um...what do you want me to do to you?" 

"I want your fingers in me. But first, we should put that condom either on you, or somewhere out of the way." she suggested, nodding towards the condom still in his palm.

He nodded, ripping the packet open and dropping the wrapper on the floor. He put it on, double checking to make sure he'd done it correctly. "There. Now, if I'm going to finger you, those," he gestured to her underwear, "have to go. Unless you want to keep them on."

"I don't." She grabbed his hands and put them on her hips. He smiled at her eagerness, hooking his thumbs into her waistband and pulling them down.

She stepped out of them as soon as they hit the ground, closing the gap between their bodies and kissing him hard, wrapping her arms around his neck.

He moaned against her mouth, breaking the kiss after a few moments. "We should switch positions, easier that way."

"Kay. But before we do that, are your hands clean?"

He looked at her, confused. "I think so? Why?"

"I don't want to get an infection. If you're not completely sure, can you please go wash them real quick?" She dropped her arms from his neck, backing up so he'd have room to move.

"Sure." He opened his bedroom door, went into the bathroom and washed his hands. He dried them off and went back out to her, shutting the bedroom door behind him. "Done."

"Thanks." She slipped between him and the door as soon as he'd shut it, looking up at him.

"Damn, you are not wasting any time tonight. Not that I'm complaining." he murmured, stepping closer to her. He started to lean down to kiss her before remembering the ask rule. "Can I kiss you?"

"Yes." She leaned up to meet him partway, grabbing onto his shoulders and closing her eyes as he kissed her. She felt his hands go to her waist, his leg lightly nudging between her thighs. She quickly spread them, breaking the kiss when he pushed his leg firmly up against her. She started rubbing herself against his thigh, leaning her head back and gasping, keeping her eyes shut tight.

He opened his eyes when she broke off the kiss, quickly going down to her neck when she leaned her head back, hearing her gasp when he started kissing her throat. He moaned into her neck, tightening his grip on her hips slightly. _'I wonder if she's gonna cum like this...sure feels like it, my leg is drenched'_

She couldn't make any noise, mouthing "oh my god" over and over, feeling her orgasm build as she rubbed herself harder against his leg. She was so so close, just on the edge but she needed more. She pushed him back a few steps, breathing hard. "I need your fingers in me."

He quickly slid his hand down between her thighs. "How many and which ones?" 

"Two, middle and ring." She spread her legs wider, gasping when he slipped his fingers deep inside her. She shut her eyes, leaning her head back against the door as he started moving his fingers.

 _'God, she's so wet. Is this a hormone thing or is it cause of me?'_ he wondered, listening to the loud squelch of his fingers as he slid in and out her. She was definitely the type of quiet that went mute when they got close to orgasm, only able to mouth what looked like "oh god" over and over. He stopped moving his fingers, wanting some feedback. "What do you need? Is this okay?"

She opened her eyes, keeping them fixed on the ceiling as she caught her breath. "I-I need you to just get your fingers in all the way, and press downwards really, really lightly. Be really careful, I don't want to tear. I'm so, so close, I just need a bit of stability to get over. And you can't kiss me or anything while you're doing that cause I'll get overstimulated." 

_'Damn, wanted to kiss her'_ "Okay." He kept his eyes on her face, watching her reaction as he pushed his fingers in up to the knuckles, lightly pressing downwards. 

She shut her eyes as her legs started to shake, that pleasurable warm feeling so so close. _'He wants to touch me, he wants to touch me'_ she reminded herself, that one thought adding to her arousal.

She took a hand off of his shoulder, reaching down between her thighs and covering his hand, pressing down till he was rubbing her clit with his palm. She kept her hand over his, grinding her clit against his palm and then he pressed his fingers deeper inside her, finally pushing her over the edge. Her legs nearly gave way as she came, taking her hand off of his and grabbing his shoulder for balance.

He pulled his fingers out, grabbing onto her waist to steady her. "You okay?" 

She nodded, opening her eyes and making eye contact, taking her hands off his shoulders. "I'm good, just gotta recover from that." 

He nodded, letting go of her waist. He brought his hand up to his mouth, cleaning himself off.

She could feel herself getting even more turned on as he cleaned himself off, sucking his fingers in his mouth and _christ_ it's so hot that he likes the way she tastes. Or at least acts like he does. 

"You still want me to fuck you against the door?" he asked as he finished cleaning the last of her off his hand.

"Yeah, yeah I do." Beyond how turned on she was, she really wanted to find out if getting fucked against the wall would feel different when she knew there was a solid chance at getting off (and that Luke wouldn't be intentionally rough with her, wouldn't try to bruise her).

"Okay. I'm going to lift you up by the back of your thighs, is that okay with you? Then you wrap your legs around my waist." he asked.

"Yeah, that's fine." She was getting excited about this, hopefully it would be fun.

He reached down and grabbed the back of her thighs, lifting her up. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he slid his hands up her thighs to cup her ass, shifting her so she was in the right position, stopping when he could feel he was.

He locked eyes with her. "Are you okay? Need to me to move you a bit? Is this freaking you out at all?"

"No, I'm fine. Not freaked out." she said, reaching down between them and positioned him. She wrapped her legs around his waist, cringing when she let out an involuntary gasp as she pulled herself onto him, not stopping till their hips were almost touching.

He moaned low in his throat, eyes closing and he hadn't expected her to take the lead on that, _jesus_.

"Are _you_ okay?" she asked, smiling when she made him moan and close his eyes. It was fun surprising him like this.

He opened his eyes, smiling a bit when he saw her smiling at him. "Yeah, I'm good. _Jesus_ , that was hot." 

"Glad you think so." She looked him in the eyes as she ground herself up against him, moaning as her clit rubbed against his pelvis. "Mmmm...it's weird not having to look up at you to look you in the eyes..."

He sucked in a breath when she started grinding against him, and it took him a few seconds to get his composure, forcing himself not to move yet. "Yeah, not used to seeing you at this level either."

"It's nice though...you can move now, please. Fuck me hard, I don't care about bruising." She bruised easy, and it's not like anyone would see them except him. And he wasn't _intentionally_ trying to bruise her, that was the important thing. She let go of his neck, hesitantly trusting him to hold her up as she maneuvered her arms under his armpits for a better grip on his back.

"You sure about that?" He didn't want to hurt her, and her new grip under his arms made him slightly worried he'd hurt her accidentally.

"You're not going to break me. Just fuck me as hard as you can, don't hold back."

"Tell me if it hurts." He took a deep breath, starting to move in and out of her, slowly at first before picking up a steady pace, grunting and moaning quietly as he moved, _fuck_ , she felt so good.

She gasped in surprise, not used to the feeling of him from this angle. Her grip on his waist slackened involuntarily, the sensation of being slammed against the door with each thrust adding to her arousal, _christ_ , he was so deep inside her. She leaned her head against his shoulder, closing her eyes and biting at his neck, moaning into it softly, tasting the sweat that was starting to develop on his skin.

He moaned when she started biting his neck, slowing down the pace of his thrusts to a crawl, wanting to make this last. "Mmmm...you okay? Anything you want me to do?" He wasn't sure if her clit was getting any stimulation, maybe he could go down on her after this...just drop straight to his knees and start eating her out before even getting inside his bedroom...make her cum two, three times in a row...

She reluctantly took her lips off his neck to answer, meeting his eyes. His slower thrusts felt as if they were hitting deeper inside of her, it took a few steady breaths to focus on him. "Mmm...you're hitting all the right spots...want me to do anything? Is the biting good for you or no?"

He stopped his movements to answer her, trying to make it clear that he was focused on what she was saying. "The biting is real nice, I like it but I'd really like to kiss you, see your face a bit...that okay? And um, am I getting any friction to your clit or no?"

"Yeah, that's fine. And trust me, don't worry about my clit...when you're all the way inside me I can just, grind up against you and that hits it really well..." God, he's so nice, he actually wants to kiss her and he's so focused on making her feel good. Kindness from a lover wasn't something she was used to yet, but she could see herself getting used to it. "Does it still feel good for you with the condom on?" She didn't want him to deprive himself of pleasure at her expense.

He nodded, shifting his hands a little for a better grip on her ass (and okay, that wasn't completely needed to hold her up but she has a nice ass, he'll take the excuse to touch it). "Still feels great, don't worry about that. Just, I want you to tell me if it stops feeling good for you, and if you want me to stop, okay? Because I will stop whenever you want or need me to, I promise." He just really wanted her to feel safe with him and not feel like just cause they were having sex, that didn't mean she couldn't still change her mind and tell him no.

"Okay, got it." She could feel her eyes start to well up, _fuck_ , she shouldn't be so affected by a guy emphasizing that she could still say no even at this point, it's _pathetic_. She leaned forward and kissed him hard to try and stop herself from letting the tears slip out, get him to stop talking and start fucking her again.

He took the hint, kissing her back and opening his mouth to her when she sucked on his bottom lip, starting up his slow, hard thrusts again. He waited a few minutes between thrusts, enjoying the feeling of her grinding against him, of being completely enveloped in her.

Joss broke the kiss when she needed air, going back to biting his neck, harder this time because she couldn't keep eye contact with him; he kept looking at her with so much intensity and desire in his eyes and it was way too much for her to handle in her vulnerable state. She wasn't in control of anything and that didn't scare her, it should be freaking her out but it _wasn't_ , and she had a feeling it was because she was starting to trust him more than she should, at least during sex.

She focused on biting his neck to get the frustration out, clawing at whatever she could reach of his upper back. She could feel the sweat starting to pool between his shoulder blades, and imagined steam coming up from their bodies as they moved. "Oh my god... _fuck_ , Lucian..." she moaned against his neck as he hit a particularly nice spot inside her, purposefully saying his full name as he thrust harder, feeling him start to grip her ass with his nails. His name felt good on her tongue and she wondered if he'd protest to her using it when he's fucking her like this (or just fucking her in general).

He almost stopped moving when she moaned his given name, so unused to hearing it in a sexual context, but somehow that made it hotter. "Mmmm...keep biting my neck like that, you'll make me bleed..." He squeezed her ass in time with his thrusts, feeling her grind her clit up against him hard every time he was up to the hilt. He moaned as she moved against him, using his body to give herself pleasure, and it was surprising to him how hot that was.

She stopped biting his neck, resting her head against his shoulder. "Want me to stop?" she gasped, barely keeping the moans locked in her throat, feeling her body start to tense with her impending orgasm. She wasn't supposed to moan, it made her sound like a whore and good men don't want to fuck whores, she was supposed to be quiet and submissive and give herself to him completely and-

She growled, scratching his back harder, trying to get that voice out of her head. _'He is not Valentine'_ she reminded herself sternly. He wants her to enjoy herself, wants to hear her moan.

"Yeah, just cause me bleeding all over you would kinda put a damper on things." he joked, his laughter at his joke cut short when she made a long, hard scratch into his back, causing him to suck in a breath. He wouldn't be surprised if he was bleeding after this, and a part of him didn't mind. It turned him on, how she used him as a scratching post during sex. "Are you okay? You seem...more intense than usual."

She pulled back from his neck, locking eyes with him. "I'm fine. How loud are you okay with me being? Any preference?" It would really help quiet that voice in her head if she heard from him that he wanted to hear her moan and maybe scream in pleasure.

"You can be as loud as you want, don't hold back. You can scream if you need to." That would be such an ego boost if she screamed. "How close are you?" 

"Mmm...so close, I can feel it, just keep doing what you're doing, but harder and faster." she panted. She could feel herself nearing the edge of release, her eyes closing as she leaned her head against his shoulder, moaning as he did as she asked, his nails digging into her ass as he slammed into her adding to the intensity of it. Her moans became louder, managing to get out his full name over and over, loving how it sounded on her lips, selfishly wanting him to associate it with fucking her. The smell of sweat on their bodies and the sound of skin slapping against skin was overwhelming, and she felt her abdominal muscles start to get tighter and tighter, she was _so close_.

He moaned, picking up the pace with his thrusts, burying his face in her neck and taking his turn to bite her skin. He could feel her clenching around him, and groaned loudly as he bit into her neck. It turned him on so much hearing her use his full name; it felt dirty and forbidden, just enough to bring him over the edge. He moaned into her neck, hoping his bites had left some kind of mark on her skin.

She was still on the edge when he started biting her neck and she froze, wincing in pain. She immediately started repeating _'He's not Val, he's not Val, he's not Val, he won't hurt you calm down he won't hurt you, he's not gong to hurt you'_ over and over like a mantra to calm herself down, but it wasn't working and she suddenly felt so claustrophobic and she needed him off of her _right now_.

"Stop, get off of me, get off of me!" She winced when her voice rose to an almost hysterical pitch; she hated herself for overreacting, especially because she could tell he was just starting to cum, jerking against her slightly. She's _ruining_ this, she's such a bad person! She should have just kept her goddamn mouth shut, this is awful, _she's_ awful.

He froze when she started screaming at him to get off of her. He quickly pulled out of her, helping her to the ground before letting go of her and stepping away, hoping she wouldn't notice the splash of cum in the condom. He looked down at her and she looked terrified, breathing heavy and shaking. "What happened? Joss, talk to me, what's going on, what did I do?" Oh god, what if she'd told him to stop earlier and he hadn't heard, _shit_ , this is so bad.

She tried to stop shaking and calm down, relieved when he immediately pulled out and set her down; a part of her was so, _so_ scared he wouldn't. She leaned against the wall, instinctively crossing her legs and covering her breasts with her arms, closing her eyes and reminding herself that it wasn't Luke she was afraid of, it was Valentine. "Y-you...I...it's stupid, I'm sorry I ruined it, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to." She felt tears start to run down her cheeks. She's such a bad person, she's so horrible for ruining it.

His eyes widened when she answered his question with tears and apologies, and quickly crouched so he was eye level with her and wouldn't look so intimidating. He waited until she met his eyes to speak. "Joss, if it set you off it's not stupid, and you didn't ruin it, you didn't ruin anything. You never have to apologize for being triggered, it's not your fault. Please don't blame yourself for that, you can't help it. I don't blame you, okay? I don't blame you, so you shouldn't blame yourself."

She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, tears still leaking out and nose stuffy with snot. "I'll try not to." She felt the need to explain herself, jumping into the explanation. "It, um, it started when you bit my neck, and I tried _so hard_ to stop myself from flaring cause you're not Val and you wouldn't hurt me, but my body doesn't know that. I felt you bite my neck and I was just, just taken back to him b-biting my neck and not letting me move and-" she broke off with a sob, covering her face with her hands as tears ran down her cheeks. She hated feeling so weak and vulnerable, hated that she was still so affected by him, that he still had this hold on her.

He wanted so badly to pull her to him and comfort her, but was acutely aware of their nakedness, that it might make it worse. "I understand, I won't bite your neck anymore. I'm _so sorry_ , I should have asked first. I wasn't thinking and I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do to help? Do you want me to take you home?" 

She shook her head, forcing herself to stop crying as she wiped her tears away, looking at him, noticing for the first time that he was crouched down to look her in the eyes. "No, you take me home and I'll be alone a-and I can't be alone right now, might do something." She wouldn't do anything permanent, but she might hurt herself. What's a few more scars on her body anyway?

He nodded. "Okay, you can stay here, sleep in the guest bedroom. You can borrow some of my clothes to sleep in if you want, if it would make you feel more comfortable." He wasn't sure if it would, he just wanted to help her get out of this bad headspace in any way he could, especially since he had been what triggered her.

She took a few deep breaths to steady herself, listening to his offer. She didn't want to sleep alone...god, she didn't know if she wanted to sleep yet. "I...I don't want to sleep alone. I'm not sure if that would help, and I...fuck." She looked away from him, not even sure if having an orgasm would help or what she wanted him to do to help.

"You what? It's okay, you can tell me." He kept his voice quiet and his eyes on her face, taking deep even breaths to help her steady her breathing. 

"I...I didn't cum. And I don't want to sleep alone, I want to try sleeping with you, if your bed is big enough to give me space if I need it."

"My bed's king-sized, should be big enough." He wasn't sure what she wanted him to do about the not-having-an-orgasm issue. "Do you want to have sex again? Or do you want something else?"

"I-I don't know right now. Can we just get in your bedroom and then I can decide?"

"Of course, sure." He stood up to his full height, and his knees ached from being bent over for so long (as well as the sex. He'd forgotten how hard that was on the legs). He made note of how she was still covering her breasts and moved out of his way before he even made to open the door.

He went inside first, letting her follow him, flicking on the light switch but leaving the setting on low so as to not startle her with the brightness. He quickly went to the bathroom, taking the condom off and disposing of it, cleaning himself off. He stopped in the doorway on his way out and watched her drop their clothes in a corner on the floor.

"I thought it would make them easier to find in the morning." she explained as she turned around, feeling his eyes on her. She walked towards him, arms at her sides, looking calmer. She stopped a few feet from the doorway, meeting his eyes. "I just want you to know that I'm not scared of you Luke. I wasn't scared at all when we were having sex until you bit my neck, it was really fun and it felt so good up until that and I just, I don't want you thinking I'm scared of you or that I didn't like it."

"Good, I was really worried when you told me to get off...thought you might have said it earlier and I hadn't heard or something..." He wasn't sure if he'd be able to live with himself if that had been the case.

"I didn't, don't worry. I was...well I was scared, that you wouldn't listen to me when I told you to get off." If he hadn't listened to her...she shuddered at the thought. She was starting to trust him with her body more than she felt should, and if he'd broken her trust like that, if he'd, if he'd _raped_ her (it was such an ugly word, she still had trouble associating it with what Val had done), she knew she'd never be able to trust anyone with her body again.

He nodded; it made sense, given her past. He looked around, unsure of what to do. "Um, do you want me to put clothes on? Would you feel safer that way?"

"You won't hurt me Luke, I know you won't. And, um..." she sighed, closing her eyes briefly and willing herself to get the words out. "Look, I know this doesn't make any sense because of what just happened, but I want you to go down on me. That's one of the only things Val never did to me, and it might help me just...shake this whole experience off, or at least help me get out of that headspace." She could practically feel Val's hands all over her, and she hated feeling it whenever she flared badly. She fought the urge to claw at her skin, hurt herself to make his hands go away but if she could just replace that feeling with Luke's touch, it might help.

That sounded like a very, _very_ risky idea to Luke, it could go wrong in a _lot_ of ways, and he didn't want her associating him with pain if she was triggered (or flared, as she called it) but...she said it might help. "Okay, we can try it. But if you start flaring, tell me, and I'll stop." 

"I will, don't worry." She took the initiative to go to the head of his bed, hand on his top blanket before turning around. "Do you want to do it under the covers or on top? You know how much I came last time you went down on me, don't want to ruin your sheets."

He shook his head. "I don't mind. The sheets are easier to wash than the blanket, so you can just pull it down."

She nodded, pulling it down to the foot of the bed, making sure to bring the top sheet down with it before slowly getting into bed, moving to the middle of it, laying her head on a pillow so she was slightly elevated and could watch him if she wanted to.

Luke carefully walked over to the bed, climbing into it and laying down next to her, looking her in the eyes. "Do you want me to just start eating you out or would you like me to work my way down?" He preferred working his way down, but he'd do what she wanted.

"Mmmm...working your way down would be best, I think." She reached over and cupped his cheek, stroking it gently. "You sure you won't mind the mess on your sheets?"

He leaned into her touch, moving his mouth and kissing her palm gently. "I'm sure. Worth it anyway." He partially sat up, leaning his upper body over her and pressing a kiss to her forehead, then one to each cheek, working his way down her face until he reached her lips, letting her be the one to deepen it. He stayed on her lips for a few minutes, just kissing her, before working his way down her neck.

He felt her tense when he lightly kissed the bite marks that were quickly forming into hickeys, being especially careful to be gentle there. He worked his way slowly down her collarbone, then over to her right shoulder, kissing down her arm. Then he gently took her hand in his, kissing the back of it before turning it over, gently kissing her palm before leaving a kiss on each fingertip.

She was surprised when he branched out to her arm and started kissing down it, but he was being so gentle and the only time he physically touched her was when he moved her hand up to his lips. It was strange, when he kissed her whole hand like that, especially when she felt his lips briefly touch each fingertip. This whole experience didn't feel like the last time he'd gone down on her; it seemed like he was so focused on her and what he was doing to her.

He moved himself over her body to lavish that same attention to her other arm. Except this time, he kissed the whole of her left ring finger, lingering on her knuckle for a moment before moving on to the fingertip of her pinky and she squeezed her eyes shut, breathing hard. She understood what he was doing and _fuck_ , he's worlds better than she deserves.

He moved back up to her collarbone after finishing with her left hand, and yeah, he knew he couldn't erase what happened to her with a few kisses, but he hoped they helped at least a little.

He started kissing down to her left breast, covering it with open mouthed kisses and moaning into it a little when she arched her back to him. He felt her put a hand on the back of his neck, pressing down a little.

She could feel herself starting to get more aroused as he kissed her breast, he was so _focused_ on her and she didn't understand why he wouldn't use his hands in tandem with his mouth, it would make it easier but she wasn't going to complain. Her eyes fluttered shut and she moaned when his lips locked around her nipple, sucking gently, and she's never really pegged herself as someone who could get off on nipple stimulation alone, but she could definitely see it happening, at least in this situation.

She slid her hand up to the top of his head and pushed down lightly. "Lucian...God, you keep this up and I might just cum without you having to touch me..."

He still didn't know why she kept using his full name, but it turned him on hearing her moan it, and he felt himself getting hard at the thought of her cumming just by him stimulating her nipples. He didn't look up to reply, reluctantly tearing himself away from her breast, moving his attentions to the other one as he kissed his way all over her soft skin, sucking on her nipple gently, being careful not to use teeth. 

She could feel her cum starting to leak out, coating her thighs as Luke lavished her breast with attention. She was so turned on, feeling the familiar ache in her cunt getting more intense by the second and _fuck_ , if he kept this up she'd be begging him to eat her out before he even left her breasts. 

After a few minutes, he forced himself stop kissing her breast, meeting her eyes and keeping eye contact with her as he kissed down between the valley of her breasts, over Valentine's initials. He couldn't imagine how much it must hurt her, having his name in her skin, that physical reminder of what he'd inflicted on her.

Once he finished, he moved down between her legs and continued the journey down her body, reminding himself of the end goal: make her cum hard, make her actually grip his head and push it further down between her thighs. He was focusing on making her cum, but if that led to her taking a more active role, he was all for it.

She tried to show him with her eyes how much it meant to her that he was gentle as he kissed down between her breasts. She _hated_ that his name was carved into her skin, but Luke was always so gentle with those marks, had said that he _didn't mind her scars_ , didn't mind another man's name branded on her body, and it gave her a little hope, that maybe she could get past what Val had done to her, how he'd damaged her.

Then he kept going down her stomach, and _fuck_ , when he kissed her other scars, the constant reminders of how useless she is as a woman, she had to close her eyes and take deep breaths to avoid crying. He was always gentle with her but there, he lingered over it for a few moments, she could feel him rest his forehead against her stomach. 

He lifted his head, looking at her. She had her eyes closed and head leaned back, and she looked so radiant, her gorgeous red hair splayed on his pillow, those talented hands resting at her sides and he couldn't see how anyone could ever hurt her like Valentine did. How anyone could be lucky enough to be married to her and choose to cause her any kind of pain. Shaking off the wave of sadness that tended to fall over him whenever he thought of what that monster had done to her (now was _not_ the time to cry over her), he continued his way down, kissing across her hips, moaning against her skin when he felt her start to buck against his mouth.

She bucked her hips against his mouth as he kissed across them, bypassing where she needed him most, much to her frustration. She was wet and wanting, practically dripping onto his sheets and here he was, slowly kissing her thighs but never _touching her_. After this continued for what felt like forever, she'd had enough. "Luke...Lucian, please...please just start eating me out, I can't take it anymore..."

She looked down at him; he was sucking on the initials Val had left on her right thigh, its twin having already received that treatment and he looked up at her, locking eyes with her as he moved his mouth up to her center, his breath on her core causing her hips to involuntarily jerk toward his mouth. Without warning, he slipped his tongue out, licking all the way from the bottom of her vulva to her clit, causing her to gasp, breaking eye contact as her back arched at the sudden contact and then he repeated the action, slower this time. She started moaning, reaching down and grabbing at his shoulders, gripping them with her nails.

He moved as close as he could get to her, feeling the scratch of her pubic hair against his face as he continued to lick her over and over, moving his tongue all around her. She kept moaning louder when he'd hardly started, kept calling him Lucian and hearing her moan his full name shouldn't get him as hard as it does. 

She squirmed as he licked her over and over. The roughness of his facial hair scratching against her inner thighs aroused her even more, moaning his full name louder and louder and she needed something inside her _now_ , and oh god those gorgeous fingers of his would do _perfectly_. "Use your fingers, oh my god please please _please_..." she all but begged, panting heavily.

He didn't respond, teasing her by slipping the fingertip of his index inside her, before pulling out, doing that for several minutes, listening to her beg and plead for him to fuck her with his fingers, make her scream, and when he finally relented he got a chorus of moaned "Oh god thank you thank you thank you"'s in return. 

When he finally slipped his finger in and started fucking her, mouth on her clit, she about lost her mind, and oh god this was strange but it felt like he was worshiping her in a way, being so focused on her pleasure. 

He looked up, locking eyes with her.  
"More?" He slowed down his movements so she could focus on him, not wanting to assume that she'd want more than one.

"One more, please." she panted, surprised he'd bothered to ask her but grateful he did. She broke eye contact as he slid a second one in, letting her get used to it before continuing to move them in and out of her and it felt borderline heavenly. And then his fingers were gone just as she was starting to clench around them, but before she could protest he replaced them with that beautiful mouth of his, fingers going up to stimulate her clit. She gripped his shoulders harder, digging her nails in as she felt the pressure building inside of her. "I'm so close, please don't stop..." she moaned, moving her hands to the top of his head, pushing his head up against her hard as she came, eyes falling shut as wave after wave of pleasure washed over her, pushing his head away when she got too sensitive.

He slipped his tongue out of her, looking up at her as he rolled his neck to get the crick out. Her cheeks were flushed and she was panting hard, eyes still closed. "Want another?"

Her eyes snapped open when he asked that, and she moaned when she saw her juices covering his chin, _fuck_ that was such a turn on. "God yes. Just your mouth this time, please." 

He nodded, moving his head back between her thighs and slowly licking her all the way up to her clit, grazing it with his lips but not paying it any attention. He spread her open with his thumb and forefinger, slipping his tongue inside of her, moving his hands up to her breasts, playing with her nipples.

It shouldn't turn her on that he was touching her breasts with a hand still wet with her own juices, and a part of her wanted to lick it off as he moved his tongue slowly inside her, making her moan incoherently, managing to get his name out every once in a while, and Lucian was easier to moan than Luke so it made an appearance more often than not (and using it when he was doing this turned her on).

He started focusing on her nipples, squeezing them gently as he slowly moved inside of her, enjoying her humping his face as he fucked her with his tongue, not touching her clit once as he took his time with her.

Joss moaned louder when he started pinching her nipples hard, finally moving fast, moaning against her as she worked her hips against his face, feeling herself start to clamp around his tongue, eyes falling shut automatically.

Luke moaned, pulling his tongue out of her and wrapping his lips around her clit, sucking on it gently and moaning against her.

She didn't even try to hold back moaning, not caring what came out of her mouth as her body started convulsing, her warm juices dripping out of her, covering her thighs and so much _pleasure_ , it went on over and over as she rode it out, his lips firmly around her clit, now flicking his tongue against her and she felt herself start to have another orgasm, shaking and wordlessly moaning.

He took his mouth off of her clit as soon as she stopped shaking, looking up at her. Her eyes were shut and she looked utterly spent, panting heavily. He wiped his mouth off with his arm, grabbing some tissues from his bedside table and cleaning off her thighs, her cum cooling by the second. He could see it matted in her pubic hair but figured she was still too sensitive to get that cleaned off.

She felt him start to clean her thighs with tissue, and had she been able to form coherent sentences, she would have thanked him for it. The first thing she noticed was the strong odor of her cum, making her nose winkle and feeling how cold it was on her thighs before Luke wiped it away. She winced as she felt how cold and wet her ass was and _shit_ , she'd soaked his sheets, probably ruined his mattress. "Shit...I am so sorry about that. I didn't know I'd cum that much, seriously that never happens unless I'm ovulating a lot, I'm really sorry."

He looked up at her, mostly satisfied with his job on her thighs. "What are you apologizing for?" He couldn't think of why she'd apologize for having an orgasm (well, several orgasms), and _jesus_ , she sounded so gorgeous moaning his name, nearly made him make his own mess on the bed. That wasn't anything she needed to apologize for.

"For soaking your bed." She should have had him put a towel down first, just in case. _'Idiot'_. She almost apologized for how strong she smelled, but she couldn't really control that.

"That's not something you need to apologize for." he said, going to the bathroom and turning the light on, disposing of the tissues. "Do you want to use my shower? You got the worst of the mess and it's itchy as hell when it dries."

"Yeah, that would be really great, thanks." She got up out of bed, wobbling a little but mostly managing to stay standing (she noticed his smirk when he saw her take the first few especially shaky steps, of course he'd be proud of that). And then she noticed how hard he was, and maybe she should let him fuck her, he'd given her several orgasms after all, it was only fair. "How long have you had that?"

Luke reached up and scratched the back of his neck, feeling his cheeks heat up. "Since I started going down on you." He'd take care of it later, or cool down on his own, no big deal.

Her eyes widened; that was a long time to have an erection, or at least she thought so. "Want to fuck me, get rid of it?" She was way too tired right now to do anything other than be something for him to move his dick in and out of, but if it helped, she'd do it.

Luke could see how tired she was, and shook his head. He had a feeling she didn't really want that anyway, was just offering out of obligation. "No, I got it, it's okay."

She nodded, not willing to fight him on it, walking into the bathroom and closing the door behind her. She turned on the shower, waiting for it to warm up before climbing in, washing herself off with one of his washcloths and some body wash.

Luke meanwhile slipped out into the guest bathroom to take care of his problem, stepping into and turning on the shower. He ran his fingers over his dick, grasping the head of it, stroking up and down slowly as he leaned against the shower wall, remembering how amazing it had felt causing her to moan like that, how good it had felt slamming her into the wall, being inside her.

He closed his eyes, imagining her on her knees in front of him, looking up at him as she wrapped her lips around the head of his dick, swirling her tongue around it. He moaned, picturing her taking more of him into her mouth, enveloping him, running her fingers over his balls, encouraging him to cum in her mouth as she ran her tongue around him. His grunts became louder as he gripped himself harder, stroking faster, pressing his other hand against the shower wall to keep standing, letting his imagination go haywire, digging his fingers into her hair as she sucked him off, moaning against him and he came with that image in his mind.

He let his hand fall to his side, feeling a little weak-kneed as he let go of his dick, grasping the wall with both hands and catching his breath. _'Fuck...I wonder if that can be a reality someday...'_. He doubted it though, she might have problems with giving head.

He made sure the mess was all washed down the drain and his face was clean before grabbing a towel and drying off, wrapping it around his waist. He walked back to his bedroom, carefully opening the bedroom door, seeing that she wasn't out of the bathroom yet. He pulled off his towel, slinging it over his neck and went to his dresser drawer, pulling out some clean boxers and putting them on them on before walking over to the bathroom door and knocking gently, still hearing the shower running. "Joss? Everything okay in there?" He hoped she wasn't flaring.

She turned off the water so she could hear him better, figuring she might as well get out, grabbing a towel and drying off before wrapping it around herself. "Yeah. Can you get me my underwear from the pile? And if you have any shirts that'll cover my ass to sleep in that would be really great."

"Sure." He went to the pile of their clothes, digging around for a few minutes before finding her underwear, then going to his dresser and grabbing a dark t shirt, it was kind of long on him, his stomach didn't show when he raised his arms so he figured it'd do the job of covering her ass just fine. He went back over to the door, opening it enough to stick his hand in with the clothes. "Here. Tell me if you need a different shirt." He figured she wouldn't want a white one, too transparent when wet.

"Thanks." She took the clothes from his hand, closing the door once his arm was out of the way and put her clothes on. Luckily the shirt fell to her mid thigh, so no problems there. She hung up her towel after using it to dry up the floor and stepped out of the bathroom, seeing Luke now wearing boxers and laying on his bed, eyes closed.

"Are the sheets still wet?" She hoped not.

He opened his eyes, sitting up and looking at her. "Only a little, it's really not that bad." He got up, going to the bathroom, hanging his towel up to dry before getting his toothbrush and toothpaste from the cabinet, feeling her eyes on him. "Want to brush your teeth? I have a spare." He pulled out a packaged toothbrush, placing it next to the sink before brushing his teeth.

"Um, sure." She walked back into the bathroom and took the toothbrush out of the packaging, letting him finish brushing and waiting for him to move out of the way before squirting toothpaste on and brushing her teeth.

Luke grabbed his mouthwash from the cabinet as she brushed her teeth, pouring some into the cap and swishing it around in his mouth, holding it out to her when she finished brushing.

She took his mouthwash, pouring some into the cap as he had, figuring germs didn't really matter at this point, drinking it from the cap and swishing it around in her mouth, screwing the cap back on and handing it back to him.

Luke spit first, wiping his mouth with one of the towels that was drying and putting the mouthwash, toothpaste, and his toothbrush away, unsure if she was finished with hers or not.

As soon as Joss spit she washed his sink out, washing off her toothbrush as well. "Want me to throw it away?" Not like he could use it again.

"Nah. Here, I'll keep it and if you ever stay over again you'll have a toothbrush." He took it from her, putting it in the tin cup with his before shutting the cabinet.

Joss went back to bed, crawling over to the far right side out of habit. She felt the bed dip a few minutes later when Luke joined her after turning off the bathroom light. "Room light's still on." she reminded him, yawning.

"Oh, right." He got back up and went over to the light switch, turning it off and closing his bedroom door, turning back towards the bed and inwardly cursing upon forgetting to close his eyes to get used to the dark before turning the light off. "Shit. Can you lead me back to bed? Talk and I'll follow your voice."

"Um, okay. Just, come this way, straight ahead." She watched as he started walking towards her, arms outstretched for the first few steps, then as he got used to the dark he let them fall to his sides.

"I can see you now, don't need to keep talking." He crawled into bed on the opposite end of her, laying on his back and keeping a few inches between them. "So um...did you like my shower?"

"Yeah, it's nice. Good water pressure, it's probably the second biggest shower I've ever been in." She'd never made small talk about showers before (was this small talk? Can you make small talk with someone you just fucked?), it was a little weird.

"What's the first?"

"Hotel shower. I think it was either during my honeymoon or some vacation Val took me on. It wasn't as wide as yours though, just very narrow and deep." She remembered thinking it looked like the type of shower you could get fucked in (which she did). That time wasn't terrible, it had been early enough in their marriage that it hadn't been out of obligation, she'd genuinely wanted him to touch her. Yeah, she didn't get off and he was still a little rough with her but it wasn't as bad as near the end of their marriage. 

"Mine better though?" Hopefully that was the right response and didn't get her thinking about Valentine. 

"Yeah, I think so. You have some pretty nice body wash. I didn't use any shampoo or conditioner, don't worry."

"Thanks, I think Amatis introduced me to that, said it was easier on the skin or something. And I would advise against using my shampoo and conditioner cause it's not exactly meant for your hair." Which was also why he hadn't used _her_ shampoo/conditioner when he'd showered at her place.

"Right, yeah, of course. I'll remember that." She felt her cheeks heat up, embarrassed she hadn't realized that of course his products would be specific to his hair type. _'God, can I make any more stupid comments? I have to think before I talk, fuck. That was such a dumb thing to say, I'm such an idiot he probably thinks I'm really stupid'_.

She'd always had that fucking problem. Talking before thinking about it, talking too much, saying stupid shit no one cares about. Getting too comfortable with people and burdening them with her problems (though post-Val, that had only happened with Dot, thank god. She hoped it wouldn't happen with Luke, she'd already told him way too much).

Luke embraced the quiet, covering his mouth when he yawned. He looked over at Joss, barely making out her laying on her back a few inches from him, arms on her stomach. Her hair looked like it was still a little wet, and he couldn't tell if her eyes were open or not. "You asleep?"

She opened her eyes, looking at him. "No. I sleep on my stomach, just so you know. And look, I know you said you can't help it when you get on top of me, but I'm going to need you to try tonight. I um, get in these moods sometimes, where I don't want to be touched at all. If people touch me when I'm like that I don't flare or anything, it just feels really invasive and my body doesn't feel like mine."  
She paused, not sure if she was explaining this right. "It feels like...like there are bugs crawling all over me when people touch me when I'm in that headspace, and everything in me is screaming to get them off me. It just feels really awful and I'm in that mood right now and I just, I can't have you touching me tonight. So if you could do something to stop yourself, I'd really appreciate it."

Luke nodded. "I can do that, I'm glad you told me. It normally doesn't happen if I'm on my stomach holding a pillow." Or a person, but she didn't want to be touched right now. He rolled onto his stomach and grabbed one of the two pillows that was under his head, hugging it to his chest with his left arm. "Does this only happen after sex, or..." He trailed off, not sure how to delicately ask her about it.

"No, I can't really predict when it'll happen, sorry. Happens during sex sometimes." When it did she tended to dissociate pretty quickly if the sex wasn't going to stop, slightly dulling the uncomfortable feeling she got when she was being touched in those moods. Didn't help entirely, she still felt it, it was still really uncomfortable for her and she hated every second but it would be worse if she couldn't dissociate.

"Has that ever happened with me?" _'Please say no, oh god please say no'_ The possibility of her feeling like that when he was touching her almost made him sick. Beyond the fact that he never wanted _anyone_ he slept with feeling awful during it, she'd been through so much and he only wanted her feeling comfortable and safe and _good_ when he was having sex or doing anything sexual with her.

She could hear the apprehension in his voice, and she rolled onto her stomach to look at him easier. "No, if it did you'd know. When that happens during sex I dissociate, and I think it's kind of obvious, cause I'm not responsive at all to anything. Sex wise I mean, not like I go in a coma or I can't hear you or something, just that my body gets numb, and what I'm physically feeling is dulled."

"Well if that ever does happen, tell me, and I'll stop." He hoped she knew that he'd stop, but understood if she didn't trust that he would yet.

"I'll try, might not be able to though." She couldn't say for sure if she'd be able to get the words out, she only gotten them out tonight cause she'd flared and panicked, but dissociating was an entirely different experience.

"Good. And if you can't I'll try and pay attention to what you told me about being unresponsive and I'll stop." 

She closed her eyes at that, running a hand over her face and is this what sex is supposed to be like? Him reminding her he'll always stop when she needs him to, no exceptions? She believed him now; he'd gotten off of her when he was about to cum just because she told him to. He could have easily ignored her, told her he hadn't heard her after and she wouldn't know if it was the truth or not. "Do you do that with everyone? Or is it just cause I'm so fucked up?" Probably cause she's fucked up.

"Do what?"

She opened her eyes, looking at him. "Remind your partners how you'll stop if they tell you to." If he did, he couldn't be doing it this often with his exes. To her it seemed really excessive, _normal_ people couldn't need this much reminding.

"Yeah, I do. And you're not-"

"Don't even try to say I'm not fucked up. We said we wouldn't bullshit each other, and that's bullshit."

"Okay, I won't say it. But I do that with everyone, it's not just you." He might do it more often with her cause it seemed like she needed reminding, but she was far from the only one.

"Good." She sighed, deciding that now was a good time as any to get this out. "Look, Luke, I just...I want you to realize how messed up I am, okay? Because it seems like you're kind of denying it. I am not going to "get better". This friends with benefits thing, friendship, whatever it is-" she gestured between them, "-is not going to cure me or save me or any of that bullshit. I am _always_ going to have intimacy issues, and I'm always going to flinch when you get angry or get startled when people yell unexpectedly, and probably lots of other things I don't even realize I do. I was in an abusive relationship for 4 years and good sex, no matter how kind or thoughtful you are, is not going to make my experiences go away, or how fucked up I am because of them. I might get better with time, but they're always going to be there, it will _always_ impact me. And, I don't _want_ you to save me. I don't need you to save me, you can't. And yeah having a good sexual relationship is kind of helping me with some of my intimacy issues, but it's not going to help with everything. I just, I don't want you being in this cause you feel like with a little time or something I'll be magically cured of all of my issues."

Well this was kind of out of nowhere. Yeah, he did want to help her realize she wasn't worthless and help her feel better about herself, help her stop flaring so much - oh, okay. Maybe subconsciously he _had_ been under the impression that he could fix her. 

"Luke? Talk to me, what're you thinking?" He hadn't said anything for a few minutes and _oh god no_ , what if she'd pissed him off? Shit, she shouldn't have been so demanding, why did she _say_ that?!? What if he was the violent type, what if-

"Just about how I never realized I was doing that till you pointed it out." _Shit_ he felt really gross. Never pegged himself for that kind of guy, thinking he could _fix_ her. He knew all too well that's not how mental illness and trauma works, yet he fell for it. You learn something new and gross about yourself everyday, apparently.

He didn't sound mad, but there was still a chance he could be. "You're not mad at me, are you? Cause I didn't mean to make you angry, I just didn't want you thinking I'll get better at some point, that my issues are temporary." Give him a chance to realize this was all a big mistake and never talk to her again after tonight. Find himself a good date to his sister's wedding.

 _'Why would she think-oh, right. Valentine'_ Fuck, he hated that man so much. "I'm not mad at you. Joss, I can't promise I'll never get angry with you cause it'll happen at some point, just like you'll probably get pissed at me at some point, it happens. But I am _never_ going to hurt you." He resisted the urge to reach out and touch her arm, reassure her somehow that she was safe with him but she didn't want to be touched, so he held back. "I'm not a violent person by nature, and even if I ever do get really angry with you I would never physically hurt you." 

She swallowed hard, closing her eyes for a moment, taking in his words before looking at him, gaze falling to his neck and staying there, unable to look him in the eyes. She _hated_ how she went from trusting him not to hurt her when he was fucking her against the wall to being afraid he'll hurt her when he's angry, why couldn't she just either trust him completely or not at all? Why did it have to be so complicated and messy? "I'm sorry that I can't just trust you completely like a normal person. I wish I could, I _really_ wish I could. I know you won't hurt me, I believe you when you tell me that but I just..." she groaned, annoyed with herself at not being able to ever find the right words. _'God I'm stupid, I'm so fucking stupid!'_ "It's hard, okay? It's so hard for me to trust you, and I hate that it is, I hate that I'm so fucked up that I'm like this, you have no idea how much I wish I was normal."

She took a shaky breath, trying to control herself. She could feel herself on the verge of word-vomiting everything to him; how she just wanted Val to have never happened to her, that she still felt his hands on her sometimes, still had dreams of him hurting her and how much she just wanted everything inside her to _stop_.

He didn't know what to say to that. A lot of this was new to him, he didn't really know the best way to handle it. _'Yeah, I gotta do some research on how to deal with this tomorrow'_ He had to say _something_ to that though, he couldn't just let it hang in the air (especially cause she still wasn't looking at him and that could be a bad sign). "I get why it's hard for you to trust me, hell if I was in your shoes I know I wouldn't trust me. Just, take as long as you need, let me prove that I won't hurt you." Hopefully that was the right thing to say.

And if he was being completely honest with himself...sometimes, it was frustrating and slightly annoying that she went back and forth with trusting him, that she had so many hang ups and rules and flared a lot. It was _hard_ , being with her and having to worry about doing the wrong thing and setting her off or saying something and setting her off.

She forced herself to look at his face then, nodding in acknowledgement, then remembering that he probably wouldn't see that. "Okay, that sounds like a good plan to me." _'Good plan? Really? He's being incredibly sweet, not pressuring you to trust him, and you call it a plan? Idiot, that's such a stupid thing to say'_ Before she could correct her stupid comment and say something better reflecting of how grateful she was that he was giving her time to trust him, he spoke.

"Well I wouldn't have thought to call it a plan, but that's a pretty good way of looking at it." He was just glad she sounded like she was in a better headspace. "What time do you have to be at work tomorrow?" 

"Um, don't have to go in till 12, Dot has the morning shift. You?" 

And this was interesting, he didn't know she had employees, just assumed she was the only one who ran the shop. "Tomorrow's my day off. We could have breakfast tomorrow if you want?"

"Sounds good."

He nodded, closing his eyes and settling himself on his pillow. 

"Oh um, do you want me to get a towel? I drool in my sleep sometimes, it's kinda gross."

He cracked an eye open, looking at her. "You can if you want, but I drool a bit in my sleep too, it's no big deal. And I'll try and stay awake so you can fall asleep first. I've been told that no one can fall asleep once I've started snoring."

"M'kay. Night." She closed her eyes and rolled over so she was facing away from him (she'd always found it a little creepy, falling asleep facing someone), pulling the sheet up over her shoulder.

"Night." He adjusted the sheet on his side so it wasn't so high up, closing his eyes and getting comfortable when he remembered the reason he'd gone down on her, cracking his eyes open, finding himself staring at the back of her head as he whispered "Did it help?

She turned to face him, reluctantly opening her eyes. "Did what help?"

"Me going down on you. Did it help you..I don't know, get in a better mood?"

She thought about it for a moment. "Yeah, it did."

"Good. Night."

She rolled over, closing her eyes. "Night. No more talking now, just sleep." she mumbled, feeling herself start to drift off.

Luke managed to stifle his giggle at that, waiting to hear her steady breathing before falling asleep himself.


End file.
